I've read the end of The Book and I know who wins!
At least it was the short version.
Someone should do a Finebaum "Call Me Maybe" lamentation to an inebriated Pat Dye.
"If it feels good, then you're not doing it right" - Coach Scott Cochran
"Sharing a conference with Nick Saban is like sharing a steak with a lion. Only one of you wins that battle. And it's not you." - Gregg Doyel
The fact that people find this funny gives me little faith in the world.
Audemus jura nostra defendere
"When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco. " - Grandpa Joe