What are Some of your Favorite Auburn/LSU/Tennessee Football Jokes?

CajunCrimson

Moderator (FB,BB) and Vinyl Enthusiast
Staff member
Mar 13, 2001
26,508
20,437
337
Breaux Bridge, La
Here are a few to get started:

Did you hear about the Auburn fan that died at a Pie eating contest?
The Cow Kicked him in the head!

What can't Chizik get in his driveway?
Someone painted an "Endzone" on it

How many Auburn players does it take to change a tire?
One -- unless it's a blowout and then they all show up

Please share - I could use a few laughs today.....
 

uafan4life

Hall of Fame
Mar 30, 2001
15,608
7,414
287
43
Florence, AL
Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee are fine, quality, upstanding, respectable football programs.



Yeah, that one gets me every time! :biggrin:
 

selmaborntidefan

TideFans Legend
Mar 31, 2000
36,432
29,735
287
54
Auburn is changing the name of their team to the Possums, because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
 

seebell

Hall of Fame
Mar 12, 2012
11,919
5,105
187
Gurley, Al
This guy walks into Toomers Drug in Auburn, sits down at the Soda Fountain and orders a Grilled Veggie Hoagie. The Waiter looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The Waiter looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The waiter, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole store which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"
:biggrin:
 

Bamatim15

BamaNation Citizen
Nov 12, 2012
68
0
0
Kingsport TN
1. How do you get the color orange? It's starts out as Crimson then you pour ALOT of YELLOW in it!
2. Difference between a date with a hooker and a game with auburn? There isn't one, you're going to score! :biggrin2:
 

bamanut_aj

Hall of Fame
Jul 31, 2000
20,058
82
167
51
Spring Hill, TN
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and an auburn cheerleader?

A: One stinks and has whiskers. The other goes great with hushpuppies.
 

bamanut_aj

Hall of Fame
Jul 31, 2000
20,058
82
167
51
Spring Hill, TN
A Bama man was finished fishing for the day and loading up his truck, when the new game warden, fresh out of auburn, pulled up behind him.

The warden walked up, and seeing the bucket full of fish, asked the Bama man for his license.

"Well, sir, I don't have a fishing license, but I shouldn't need one since I didn't catch these fish."

The cocky auburn game warden replied "well, if you didn't catch these fish, how'd they get in the bucket?"

"They're magic bass, and they just jump in the bucket!" exclaimed the Bama man

The warden responded "Magic fish? Boy, you must think I"m real stupid. You've got a hefty fine coming, catching all those fish without a fishing license!"

The Bama man offered, "If I can prove to you that these are magic bass, will you let me off? Since I didn't technically catch them?"

"Well, I'd love to see this....you've got a deal"
said the warden

So, the Bama man and the auburn game warden walk down to the water's edge. The Bama man dumps the fish into the water, then begins to head back up to the truck. "Hey!" exclaimed the warden "What about those magic fish?"

"Magic fish?", asked the Bama man "You must think I'm real stupid!" And with that, he drove home.

the moral of the story? We Bama fans may not be the smartest, but auburn folks are a whole lot dumber!
 
Last edited:

bama119

1st Team
Aug 4, 2001
939
1
0
72
Eufaula, Al.
Did you hear about the aubie agriculture student that got his tractor hung in reverse? He unplowed 40 acres before he got it out of reverse.
 

uaintn

All-American
Aug 2, 2000
2,904
192
182
franklin, tennessee, usa
Q. What do you get if you cross an Auburn cheerleader with a pig?
A. Nothing. There's some things a pig won't do.

(Old one from Lewis Grizzard, who probably stole it from someone).
 

Alasippi

Suspended
Aug 31, 2007
12,875
2
57
Ocean Springs, MS
Q: What was the nick name of the last five star recruit to sign with Auburn?
A: Rich

Q: What do you call an Auburn Football player with a degree?
A: No one knows
 

exiledNms

Hall of Fame
Aug 2, 2002
5,443
7
0
Hattiesburg, MS (USA)
(oldie from the 70s; updated)

Coach Saban's out for a Sunday afternoon drive in the country when he happens upon Gene Chizik walking down the road. Chiz is holding a leash attached to the biggest hog Coach Saban's ever seen. Coach Saban, incredulous, says "Where in the world did you get that animal?" And the pig says, "Bought him at an estate sale."

*rimshot*
 

Alasippi

Suspended
Aug 31, 2007
12,875
2
57
Ocean Springs, MS
My favorite football joke of all time is actually a Bama joke.

1: Hey did you hear? Coach Bryant broke his leg.
2: Wow, what happened?
1- He was walking his duck and a boat ran over him
 

randytidmore

New Member
Sep 26, 2008
6
0
0
Why can they not have sex education and drivers ed at Auburn at the same time? They only have one donkey!!!
 

mikes12

All-American
Nov 10, 2005
3,548
0
0
49
Chattanooga, TN
If it's okay to put in one for Notre Dame, I got this one:

What does Notre Dame have in common with marijuana?


Both get smoked in a bowl.
 

Bamabww

3rd Team
Oct 26, 2005
234
0
35
70
Moulton, Alabama
community.webshots.com
DISNEYLAND
Two Auburn Fans were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Auburn Fans living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one Auburn Fan says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther way... Florida or the moon?' The other Auburn Fan turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops an Auburn Fan for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this Auburn Fan out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another Auburn Fan on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second Auburn Fan looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the Auburn Fan behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the Auburn Fan yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

AUBURN FAN ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and an Auburn Fan were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Auburn Fan said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Auburn Fan replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
An Auburn Fan was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,
A girl was visiting her Auburn Fan friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The Auburn Fan responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’ 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the Auburn Fan. 'They're watch dogs'!
 

Latest threads

TideFans.shop : 2024 Madness!

TideFans.shop - Get YOUR Bama Gear HERE!”></a>
<br />

<!--/ END TideFans.shop & item link \-->
<p style= Purchases made through our TideFans.shop and Amazon.com links may result in a commission being paid to TideFans.