The real down side of the Iron Bowl

We_are_Bama

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I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the rivalry with auburn and if it is even worth it anymore. I had a long talk with the mother of a former friend of mine last night. She and her oldest daughter (my former friend) are big time auburn fans. Her youngest daughter (who I only met once) is a big time Alabama fan. In retrospect, I think I should have been friends with her youngest daughter instead, LOL. But anyway, the reason I called up my former friend's mother was to see if there was any way my former friend and I could finally make up with each other after 5 years. This ridiculous issue goes all the way back to the day of the 2009 iron bowl. My former friend has been angry at me ever since that day. I don't remember exactly what it was that I said that made her end the friendship, but I think it was something to the effect of how they were now paying for all those years of tuberville holding his fingers in the air, I don't know. But, I don't think it was THAT bad.

Whatever it was, it offended her to the point that she has NEVER spoken to me again. Well, not verbally anyway. She did give me the finger when I ran into her at a restaurant last football season. This was after I apologized to her for what I said that day of the 2009 IB. Last night, her mother told me that she was ashamed of her daughter for actually holding something SO petty against somebody and how childish it is of her to still be that offended after 5 years. We also delved into how this is, unfortunately, not unique for the Alabama-Auburn rivalry. WAY too many friendships ended, relationships and marriages broken up, and even family members refusing to speak to one another over a game. We both agreed that we both enjoy the rivalry very much, and we don't necessarily want it to end, but if the divisions ever realigned and Auburn ended up in the East and we only played each other every few years, we could live with it. And let's face it, in the new expanded SEC, you are lucky to catch a rotational opponent from the opposite division once a decade now.

My former friend's mother is going to attempt to broker a sit down between us to see if there is some way we can finally get some closure on what happened 5 years ago after the IB. At this point, that is all I want. I would like to restore the friendship, as I do still care about her and have missed her, but that is just a bonus. Right now, I will settle for just putting the whole silly matter to bed once and for all, never to be brought up again. If for nothing else, then for her own sake. It's not good to carry around such anger for so long. Maybe we can start over with a new foundation. I'd sure like that. Life is WAY too short to lose people close to you over a silly game. I have only ever lived in Alabama, so I don't know what it's like elsewhere, but other sport's rivalries CAN'T POSSIBLY be this intense. I mean, how many marriages have ended over a Yankees-Red Sox game. Or a Cowboys-Eagles game? How many close friendships have been destroyed over the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry?

Don't get me wrong. I still enjoy the Iron Bowl and it is the single greatest rivalry in sports, period. But, it needs to cool off some. Even if my former friend and I do re-establish a friendship, we lost 5 years because of a game. Five years that we can NEVER get back. Not one second. I think I can get my former friend back. From talking to her mother, it seems doable. It may take some time, but I think I can do it. Wanting the rivalry to cool off is perhaps wishful thinking on my part. But, I do know one thing. It is never going to cost me another person again.
 

jps1983

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Aug 30, 2006
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That's one reason I'm glad I live in TX. I don't have to deal with the IB stuff that goes with it on a daily basis. Whichever team wins has fans that take it too seriously and say foolish things. I don't mind seeing Bama fans act the fool, but it bothers me to see the barner mock Bama.

It is tough to deal with. Folks here take rivalries just as seriously, but luckily I don't have a dog in the fight of the local/state rivalries.
 

We_are_Bama

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There's more issues involved if a football game is ending relationships, etc.
Bingo. My former friend takes her auburn fan hood seriously, and I get that, but to still be angry after a comment made 5 years ago says a lot about her mental state.
 
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exiledNms

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We_are, your friend exemplifies what I've come to dread every August. A blend of excitement over my favorite sport--college football--combined with the near-certain knowledge that some will severely overreact to a particular Saturday's outcome, thereby damaging friendships. It happens every year, & not just with the IB (though we Bama grads & Auburn grads sadly go next-level in our desire for our team to win). Around here, mrs. exiled & I are somewhat of pariahs every Fall. We both graduated from Bama; our son graduated from Ole Miss; our daughter attended MSU. Thus pretty much none of the locals like us during the Fall, and we're VERY far from being loud-mouthed fans of our school or our kids' schools.

A friend here played at USM, and I agree with his sad assessment that he will get mocked & ridiculed by MSU folks around the USM-MSU game (we both predict a sizeable MSU win). We also agree that should USM win, the MSU folks will get blasted by the USM folks in the same way.

My own colors are clear, as they've been since I was a kid in the early 60s, and they are Crimson & White. My son's colors are clear, and they are Red & Blue. My daughter's colors are less clear, as she doesn't really care that much. To help not contribute further to the problem, I never ever talk noise before or after a game. Also, I've attended every USM home game for some years now (which has been brutal these past couple of years!), rocking my Black & Gold shirt. We try to get to a game in Oxford every year (wearing our Red & Blue in the process, which means we won't be going up for the Bama game this Fall ;) ), and to one in Starkville periodically. Last year, we went to a game in Baton Rouge. I've been accused of being a sell-out for trying to be gracious toward fans of other schools' teams. So be it. (note to concerned parties: I'm not exactly sure of when I became a Bama fan, but I do remember watching Joe Namath play QB for us, so it was at least 50 years ago! :) ).

All of that said to say this: I hope my Tide win every single game every single year...and if they don't, I'll be fine. As far as it is within me, I will NOT lose a friendship with someone--Auburn fan or any other fan--over the outcome of any Saturday's football game. If that makes me "not a true fan" or "a sellout" or whatever, so be it. My 50+ years of wearing Crimson + my multiple UA degrees say otherwise.

I'll wind up with this. Here's a complete & exhaustive list of really important things decided by the outcome of a bunch of large young men running into each other at a high rate of speed for 3 hours:


(list ends)

I hope you & your friend can mend the fences! And thanks for the tough post. Roll Tide!
 

SavannahDare

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Jul 23, 2004
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People who walk around angry and resentful over a game or rivalry are just using that as an excuse for the true reasons they are angry and resentful.

Not quite sure why you would want to restore the friendship if she's proven to have such a character flaw. The best predictor of future behavior is invariably past behavior. If she would treat you this way, for this long, then she would find another reason down the road to treat you poorly again.

Seems to me she just doesn't like you.
 

We_are_Bama

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People who walk around angry and resentful over a game or rivalry are just using that as an excuse for the true reasons they are angry and resentful.

Not quite sure why you would want to restore the friendship if she's proven to have such a character flaw. The best predictor of future behavior is invariably past behavior. If she would treat you this way, for this long, then she would find another reason down the road to treat you poorly again.

Seems to me she just doesn't like you.
The whole thing is rather bizarre. At one point, we were in the "friends with benefits" category. Up until the Alabama-Auburn game of 2009, we had never really even had so much as an argument. Something just went terribly wrong that day. For years, I chalked it up to her sensitivity over the outcome of that game, but, clearly something else is going on. A couple of years back, I helped her mother with something and it nearly caused her to disown her mother as a result of it when she found out. They did not speak for months. She hasn't been the same since that weird day 5 years ago. Or maybe she was that way all along and I just never noticed it. I just hope she can at least find some sort of peace. For her own sake. Now that I think about it, restoring the friendship would be asking for trouble. File that under the "duhh" category! :tongue:
 

Crimson1967

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If you are saying you and this girl were sexually involved (and if I misunderstood "friends with benefits", I apologize) I think this may go deeper than just an argument about a game.
 
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jps1983

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If you are saying you and this girl were sexually involved (and if I misunderstood "friends with benefits, I apologize) I think this may go deeper than just an argument about a game.
Yep; it sounds like there are some pieces missing from the puzzle for any analysis or comment. Things are usually deeper than just a game, but some folks take it way too seriously (check our game threads in a game where we play sloppy or lose).
 

We_are_Bama

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We had been involved off and on prior to the Iron Bowl that year. By the time that game rolled around, we had cooled off quite a bit in that area. But, we were still close. Perhaps something was pent up in her and the day of the game was just kind of the perfect storm. Her mother and I have stayed in touch and she tells me that her daughter has not been the same since that day. Her mother and I really want to get her to a point where she can just find some peace. Even if her and I don't become friends again, I at least want her to let go of the anger, whether it be over something I said years ago, or over me in general.
 

cbi1972

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Nov 8, 2005
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Latent resentment came to a boil, ruining a friendship, and it is easier to let it go than to pick at the scab revealing uncomfortable truth.
 

We_are_Bama

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I hope my Tide win every single game every single year...and if they don't, I'll be fine. As far as it is within me, I will NOT lose a friendship with someone--Auburn fan or any other fan--over the outcome of any Saturdays football game. If that makes me "not a true fan" or "a sellout" or whatever, so be it. My 50+ years of wearing Crimson + my multiple UA degrees say otherwise.

I'll wind up with this. Here's a complete & exhaustive list of really important things decided by the outcome of a bunch of large young men running into each other at a high rate of speed for 3 hours:


(list ends)

I hope you & your friend can mend the fences! And thanks for the tough post. Roll Tide!
This says it all. I am going into this season with a whole new outlook. The Iron Bowl has messed things up for me before, but they always got fixed within a relatively short period of time. 2009 marked the first time that it cost me something that had very long term effects. Going forward, no matter what happens in any game, I will never let it cost me a thing. If I have to get up and hug an auburn fan friend, I will. If I have to leave the game viewing gathering, I will. And I will even say "I lost a friend years ago over this, it's never happening again, I will see you guys later". It would not hurt my feelings if the Iron Bowl were discontinued. Some have told me that that is insane and that it would do nothing to curtail the intense dislike between the two fan bases, but I disagree with that. If the series were discontinued, then I think the intensity would be gone within a few years, and even when the two teams did play the very occasional rotational game, it wouldn't be quite the same.
 

SavannahDare

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Jul 23, 2004
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You should've said earlier that you had "been inside the vault," so to speak.

Dude. This has zero to do with team allegiance.

She doesn't like you because of how the "friends with benefits" misadventure went down. Cross her off your list. You're done.
 

Bama Reb

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Nov 2, 2005
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On the lake and in the woods, AL
As with others on this board, and within the Bama nation, I live in a divided household. Mrs. Reb and I are both Bama fans from as far back as we can remember. Her sister otoh is an aubie. Let me correct that. She is when they're doing well. When they're not, her loyalty seems to fade.
Regardless of her loyalty though, family is family, and nothing gets in the way of that.
 

Dr. Van Nostran

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Jan 27, 2006
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3 miles from Bryant Denny Stadium.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the rivalry with auburn and if it is even worth it anymore. I had a long talk with the mother of a former friend of mine last night. She and her oldest daughter (my former friend) are big time auburn fans. Her youngest daughter (who I only met once) is a big time Alabama fan. In retrospect, I think I should have been friends with her youngest daughter instead, LOL. But anyway, the reason I called up my former friend's mother was to see if there was any way my former friend and I could finally make up with each other after 5 years. This ridiculous issue goes all the way back to the day of the 2009 iron bowl. My former friend has been angry at me ever since that day. I don't remember exactly what it was that I said that made her end the friendship, but I think it was something to the effect of how they were now paying for all those years of tuberville holding his fingers in the air, I don't know. But, I don't think it was THAT bad.

Whatever it was, it offended her to the point that she has NEVER spoken to me again. Well, not verbally anyway. She did give me the finger when I ran into her at a restaurant last football season. This was after I apologized to her for what I said that day of the 2009 IB. Last night, her mother told me that she was ashamed of her daughter for actually holding something SO petty against somebody and how childish it is of her to still be that offended after 5 years. We also delved into how this is, unfortunately, not unique for the Alabama-Auburn rivalry. WAY too many friendships ended, relationships and marriages broken up, and even family members refusing to speak to one another over a game. We both agreed that we both enjoy the rivalry very much, and we don't necessarily want it to end, but if the divisions ever realigned and Auburn ended up in the East and we only played each other every few years, we could live with it. And let's face it, in the new expanded SEC, you are lucky to catch a rotational opponent from the opposite division once a decade now.

My former friend's mother is going to attempt to broker a sit down between us to see if there is some way we can finally get some closure on what happened 5 years ago after the IB. At this point, that is all I want. I would like to restore the friendship, as I do still care about her and have missed her, but that is just a bonus. Right now, I will settle for just putting the whole silly matter to bed once and for all, never to be brought up again. If for nothing else, then for her own sake. It's not good to carry around such anger for so long. Maybe we can start over with a new foundation. I'd sure like that. Life is WAY too short to lose people close to you over a silly game. I have only ever lived in Alabama, so I don't know what it's like elsewhere, but other sport's rivalries CAN'T POSSIBLY be this intense. I mean, how many marriages have ended over a Yankees-Red Sox game. Or a Cowboys-Eagles game? How many close friendships have been destroyed over the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry?

Don't get me wrong. I still enjoy the Iron Bowl and it is the single greatest rivalry in sports, period. But, it needs to cool off some. Even if my former friend and I do re-establish a friendship, we lost 5 years because of a game. Five years that we can NEVER get back. Not one second. I think I can get my former friend back. From talking to her mother, it seems doable. It may take some time, but I think I can do it. Wanting the rivalry to cool off is perhaps wishful thinking on my part. But, I do know one thing. It is never going to cost me another person again.
The younger sister is always the way to go!
 

RTR91

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Nov 23, 2007
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You should've said earlier that you had "been inside the vault," so to speak.

Dude. This has zero to do with team allegiance.

She doesn't like you because of how the "friends with benefits" misadventure went down. Cross her off your list. You're done.
Yeah, you left out the most important part of the story.

Did you start dating or talking to another female at that time?
 

We_are_Bama

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Yeah, you left out the most important part of the story.

Did you start dating or talking to another female at that time?
We just just kind of cooled down before the Bama-auburn game that year. It was like, the spark was there, but it wasn't quite the same anymore. We had actually both decided to cool things down. But, in retrospect, I realize now that once you have been "friends with benefits", it is kind of difficult to go back to the way things were prior to that. As time went on, she told everybody that the reason her and I were done was that I had offended her over the game that year. I just went with that and thought "oh well". But, now I see that there was way more going on.
 

We_are_Bama

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You should've said earlier that you had "been inside the vault," so to speak.

Dude. This has zero to do with team allegiance.

She doesn't like you because of how the "friends with benefits" misadventure went down. Cross her off your list. You're done.
On a side note, did you miss me during my 8 month vacation? :tongue:
 

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