A Personal Update

Hello everyone. For starters, I've read all the replies and received a few PMs. Thank you. Let me address a few things that have been mentioned here and touch on our meeting last night. Apparently, she's "shocked" that I would actually file for divorce (as I smartly retorted, "And what did you THINK was going to happen when you left?").

My emotions move in the same heartbeat sometimes. In the same second I'm relieved, sad, resigned, and angry all at the same time. But a few things. First, I'm beyond the stage of an apology even doing any good. That's probably where I crossed the threshold to the inevitable. Fact is, if she were interested in reconciliation and repentance, it never would have gotten as far as it has. So I've accepted that particular aspect of the whole thing. I'm pretty well resigned to my fate at this point - just trying to get out without getting financially demolished. Since spousal support is limited and the laws are masculine favored here, this should not be too bad. A buddy of mine got out of his marriage and is far better off in all ways now. Of course, since he was married less than ten years, he didn't have to worry about spousal support.

On the flip side, I've now lost 60 lbs and middle-aged (and younger) women look me up and down and smile now, so that's something I guess. I always was a bit of a flirt but now I'm not the fat old funny guy the buxom waitress flirts with in hopes of a bigger tip - though I still have some to lose to get to what I want, my health has improved and my looks have greatly improved (I've lost 15 lbs since the photo to the left).

So you now what came out - the allegation that I now have another woman and therefore am in a "hurry" (yes - you read that right, 20 months of living apart with no filing is considered a "hurry" by the illogical among us) to get divorced. Then I get the martyr complex and then I get the "expect you to find someone because you require someone to take care of you" (oh that ticked me off - esp since I'm the one who has done EVERYTHING the last five years). I'd love to wake up next to Mrs Right (or even Mrs Right Now, rim shot!), which has nothing to do with pampering and taking care of. I'm actually quite independent.

But let me address the memory issue as well because it is new science. With all due respect to everyone, I am NOT dwelling on the past per se. This is more of like a dual running movie of the past and the present, where I live. It's not I'm hung up on day after day - it's just sort of "there." I can think both at the same time although the emotion of the longer existing day tends to override the present a lot. It's not singularity of focus. The current science via MRI is that the caudate nucleus is 7 standard deviations more developed than the average person. I don't know what all that means (and I went to med school and did study Neuroanatomy) specifically - it's just that it doesn't work like everyone assumes it does.

Keep in mind that despite this HSAM I apparently was born with (that's still debated, too), I have attained two associate degrees, a bachelor's, a master's that included a published thesis (all with honors) and attended the ** medical school (I was disqualified on the final day of phase one for no longer being worldwide qualified) and completed the classroom phase with a 3.16 GPA. Although my life has spun out of control that last 15 years, I've been pretty level-headed about looking ahead despite the HSAM. My next goals are the cutting of the cord and the ASCP-MLS certification as a lab scientist.

And maybe dating or maybe just....whatever.

I cannot go on like I have. Football season makes the autumn loneliness bearable (esp when we're winning - a championship with an unbeaten season sure would ease my pain a tad bit right now). It's when I don't have things like that to occupy me - and that's why I'm planning this now. So when spring comes, I'm free and can move about unfettered.

As I said, one of my co-stars on the 60 minutes and I correspond a bit because of the amazing similarities (again - please no names here) in so many ways of our lives, our memories, and our pending divorces. This has at least led to a little less isolation of ideas.

One more thing - I was advised by my boss (who is divorced) to use the counseling system set up at work (it's free, er, covered). Her comment was to not go into the next relationship with the baggage of the current one - noting that my problems were going to be worse merely because of the memory. So I see a divorce counselor on Thursdays at five.

Thanks for the concerns and indulging me. God bless you all.

Headed over for a consult today with an attorney. Will keep you posted.

Pretty well summarizes my feelings at this point:

Sleeping under a table in a roadside park a man could wake up dead
But it sure seems warmer than it did sleeping in my king-sized bed

and.....

I'd rather fight the wind and rain than what I've been fighting at home



New developments.

1) Information from a friendly source gave me more info than before and my in-laws are absolutely livid at my wife and blame the entire thing on her. Figure she's going to wind up living with them and turn around at 48 and figure out she messed up

2) Wife has stated she is willing to "file" if I pay for it, which would in the semantics world of religion enable me to maintain my current ministry position (not that I think this has a prayer - if you'll pardon the pun - of happening)

3) Lining up some ducks and will likely file next month.

Thank you for your support, now I need a Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler.

Ok, let's consider where we are now.


1) We are going to attempt (God help us) the "uncomplicated divorce" route here in Texas. Basically, I pay whatever they figure child support to be, debts are split 50/50, and no alimony (and since she has been living on her own here in TX and working - my attorney consult said she wouldn't qualify for spousal support at all).

2) She is going to do the filing (e.g. petitioner). She thought it over and said she was not so much concerned with right now and the current church situation; her comment was that she did not want my possible future ministry in any church beyond here affected by "well, you can't work here because you filed for divorce" - say fifteen years up the line (at which point I would be 60 and nobody would likely care but anyway.....)

3) I am seeing a counselor once a week, who is probably having fun with her first HSAM memory patient. We talk about different things every week (I couldn't do that job).

4) I actually did something I hadn't done since January 8, 1990......which was the Monday before we hired Gene Stallings btw.....I asked a girl out on a date who was not my wife. She said no but that's okay. Not really the point at this point.

5) I've gotten to the point where I'm mostly okay with it with tiny regressions here and there back to sorrow. Corresponding with someone else who has my memory and similar circumstance has been therapeutic.

Incidentally, I turned 45 yesterday and in the year since the Stahl interview have now lost 81 pounds.

Thank you all for listening.

Oh, I have to share this story.

I was at the Florida game on September 20. We hit the bomb for Drake for the TD, and I was filming it on my digital video camera. The two girls next to me noticed I had the camera and pom-poms in front of me. The sweet little blonde - she was from Savannah, GA btw - asked if she and her friend could use my pom-poms.

I mean, who am I to turn down such beautiful and thick Southern accents. So I let them use them (I filmed about 1/2 the game, including close-ups, but I haven't edited it yet because of a computer issue). At halftime I decided I could have some fun. I asked her when her birthday was. She told me it was March 20, 1996. I told her that was a Wednesday and listed a few historical things that happened close to then: Ron Brown's plane crash, the Unabomber captured (both on 4/3). Then I asked her friend when hers was and she said it was November 10, 1995. I told her she was born the day before we played MSU in 1995 and won, 14-9. So they both got their phones out and began looking up. Then I told the girl closest to me that I had been on "60 Minutes." So she looked it up and found the online photo and began telling everyone nearby, "We're using the pom-poms of a guy who was on '60 Minutes!'" Then I looked up and down the aisle behind me and everyone was focused in on our little discussion.

Later in the game, the board showed highlights from the 1999 win in the Swamp. I told the cute blonde, "That game was played on Saturday, October 2, 1999, and we ended their long winning streak by a score of 40-39." This gal had no idea as she would have been three at the time. It finished and she's looking dumbfounded at me.

It was just plain fun, that's all. Plus - you can find out how old people are very innocently. After you dazzle them with the information you recall, they don't even think about the fact you can find out other things about them.

Displaced Bama Fan said:

Ron Brown's plane didn't just crash, he was shot in the head. That was the Clinton signature. But I digress.

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ISWYDT!!!!!


ha ha ha