You have the free will to do your own thing, but are you being RESPONSIBLE in doing so?
I'm glad you asked. Prepare for TL;DR
OK, this is going to be ridiculously long - what would take just a few minutes in face-to-face conversation takes much longer when you’re worried about your thoughts and intentions being misread or misconstrued. Despite this, and know there will still be some who likely skim and cherry pick thoughts out of context, I’m going to explain where my heart is right now as a Christian. I’ve had a few people PM me over the years asking me to expound on this, likely out of morbid curiosity, so here we go…
As an aside, these thoughts are purely mine and I don’t expect anyone else to be where I am, nor do I think I’m enlightened or that I’ve figured things out and you, the reader, need to get on board with me. Also, if any of my characterizations about people offends you, I apologize - it’s not my intention, but rather a way to show you where my thinking is / was…
I live in a nice little neighborhood in a smallish town that’s what I call a ‘sub-suburb’ of Memphis. Our neighborhood is small - only 32 houses - which are built in two concentric circles with one road forming the way around. This circle is almost exactly 1/3 of a mile around, and as the neighborhood was built in an 80 year-old pecan grove and many of the trees were left as the houses built amongst the trees, there truly a picturesque beauty to it. It’s a beautiful space, with lazy curves in the road and a small gradual hill in the back - perfect for walking laps.
I’ve walked many laps around over the years, and as most people are gone during the day, working and whatnot, it’s a nice solitary time to ponder things. I’ve always found I can dig deeper in to my thoughts out there than any place in my house, and when I walk 6 or 12 laps, I have time to get past the superficial crap that floods my mind and wrestle with issues that otherwise get pushed aside in day to day life. I’ve pondered all sorts of things, from future pans and ‘what ifs’ to current events. It’s a good space to walk and think.
Backing up a bit, i was raised in Florida, a bulk of my time spent in the Orlando metro area. My parents are both Christians - loving, giving people. Fundamentally conservative, but not like the word is used today, like it’s an insult. Rather, they were fiscally and socially conservative people who loved people and were pretty moderate compared to what we often see today. Life-long republicans, they were really borderline democrats in retrospect, such as thinking that the AWB of the early 90’s was probably a good idea, etc. They disliked Clinton because of his moral failings, but not because he was a democrat, if that makes sense. This was my world and in retrospect it seems it was far simpler then…
Anyway, once I left home, I retained my parents political (and religious) views for many years. I guess in many ways I was a late-bloomer as I was really almost 30 before I really spent time evaluating my beliefs and trying to figure out what I truly believed instead of knee-jerk reactions parroting what I had grown up seeing and hearing. Over time, struggling with faith and political / legal concepts like ‘victimless crime’ I found myself sitting pretty solidly in the camp of libertarian ideology - the concept of ‘
do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t impinge upon another’s rights’ just made sense to me. Sure, it’s a simplistic way of viewing things, and in many ways fell apart in the real world, but I was OK with that as every other political ideology failed in the real world as well - no matter how you slice it, our society is a mishmash of different ideas as human greed and thirst for power tarnished any pure system.
I was a pretty solid libertarian for a few years - I was always a pretty politically active person, engaging in helping people get elected in small ways here and there and ALWAYS voting. I loved to debate politics with people and found that i was actually pretty adept at ‘beating’ people by logically working through their competing view by finding faults and emphasizing how my views were better, more complete. I was an argumentative sort, guess to a point I still am, but far less now than then.
Fast forwarding to early 2012 finds me walking around the neighborhood, starting to chew on the upcoming election. It was early in the election cycle but I started wrestling with who I should vote for. At this point i should make the point that after I had spent a few years walking this loop thinking through life stuff, I started talking to God about stuff. no, not two-way conversations or anything whacky, just out in nature, enjoying the beautiful out-of-doors and talking through things. It felt like working through things like this allowed Him greater ability to steer my life - that probably sounds whacky to some people, it is what it is. Anyway, I start having these daily thought exercises, working through the upcoming elections, seeking God’s will - what do I do? Who do I vote for?
Well, for months I walked and talked, I prayed, I followed my gut. Things started changing in the way I viewed the world and I started seeing some pretty nasty thoughts buried in my heart - many of which I had closely guarded because they were ‘correct’, politically speaking - melt away. I started to realize that politics are truly a man-made game - it’s about dividing people into neat little groups in order to be able to capture their hearts more easily. Lines on the map, whether political districts or national borders - all man-made divisions. Us and them. I walked and talked, I read the bible and it really struck me one day how apolitical Jesus was. We have no idea if he was active politically or not, but there’s no record of it if he was - he was radical - it was about love changing the world, following him was first, everything else was secondary.
So as the months rolled by and the election came into focus it became obvious that I could vote one of two ways - republican or democrat. A third party vote was a waste, and though I vociferously defended it as a logical decision online and in discussions with people, I was beginning to doubt it in my heart. Why even show up if you know your candidate has no choice in winning? Third party votes have had zero effect on the political spectrum over the last few decades, why would that start now? And even if they did, which third-party candidate would i vote for? By this time I found libertarianism to be too idealistic - too individualistic. And the poll numbers showed no third-party candidate stood a chance. So I could vote for one man who is pro-abortion (pro-choice, whatever you want to call it) or another who wears magic underwear and believes the bible is only part of God’s word. So I had some more stuff to work through…
The concept of ‘lesser of two evils’ if often pulled out at election time - both sides generally using it as a rallying cry to get more voters to turn out. I used it quite a bit myself over the years, but during one these late-2012 walk-talks it occurred to me if that’s really what I’m voting for, should I even vote? Should I vote for a man who believes abortion is OK? Or for a man who wears magic underwear? Are these people truly representing my new views of the world and my place in it? The answer was simple and resounding - no.
As someone who has always participated in politics and elections I had to dive down a new, deeper rabbit hole now - why do I participate in elections? Do I have to, is it my duty? If I do, if I vote for someone I don’t believe in, am I doing more harm than good? What happens if I sit home and allow others to determine my future? What happens if I sit on my hands and just let the future come to me? What if, worst case scenario, a bunch of people like me do that same thing and laws are changed, a dictator arises, I end up losing my freedom?
These were difficult walk-talks. Lots of turmoil in me as I read the bible and found no mentions of people rising up against their oppressors, but plenty of advice for the slaves, for the downtrodden, on how to best represent Christ in a life of servitude. I kept feeling like the answer I was receiving was '
do you trust ME or do you trust yourself?'
So I decided to stay home on November 6, 2012. I spent time in prayer and even considered fighting back against what I felt I was called to do - to sit it out. It was honestly one of the toughest things I’ve ever done, as silly as that might sound. But it’s true. And remains true today.
The reality is this: I’m at a point in my life - maybe it’s wisdom, maybe it’s naivety - where I don’t worry about politics anymore. I’m completely uninvolved, and my only thoughts are about helping people, trying to show love to people. I’ve never argued with my neighbors - I’m surrounded by good people - but I certainly see bitterness and dark hearts about some political subjects in otherwise really god, loving people - and it reminds me of how I used to feel about those same things. So for me, for the way my mind works, for where my heart is - I’m apolitical now. Is that permanent? I have no idea. I just know that right now, slave or free, I’m going to live in a way that shows the heart of Jesus the best I can. I fail ALL THE TIME, but I’m getting better all the time.
Let me reiterate - I’m not suggesting anyone else should feel this way, just stating where I am now. I didn’t make this decision lightly and I’m comfortable where I stand - regardless as to how crazy you probably think I am now…
