Auburn joke
- Thread starter Chukker Veteran
- Start date
An auburn fan asked me if I was pulling for auburn in there game against FSU? To which I replied, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'd kiss a muslim before I'd root for auburn.
and the highly offended barn fan asked me how I could say such a thing, don't you know what those people stand for? You don't even know any muslims. To which I replied,no,I don't know any muslims but I know plenty of auburn fans.
and the highly offended barn fan asked me how I could say such a thing, don't you know what those people stand for? You don't even know any muslims. To which I replied,no,I don't know any muslims but I know plenty of auburn fans.
The SEC decided that there was just too much animosity between Alabama and Auburn, so they decided to take some action for the sake of public relations. Someone suggested that there be a much-publicized fishing trip with Nick Saban and Gus Malzahn. Both coaches agreed, so off they went, with the TV crew and cameras rolling.
The two coaches fished and chatted for a while, then Malzahn's line got hung up on something. He pulled with all his might but he just couldn't get it free.
Calmly, Coach Saban stepped out of the boat, walked across the water about 30 feet, freed Malzahn's line, then walked back to the boat.
The next day, the headline in the Opelika Cow Tipper read:
"Famed Coach Can't Even Swim."
The two coaches fished and chatted for a while, then Malzahn's line got hung up on something. He pulled with all his might but he just couldn't get it free.
Calmly, Coach Saban stepped out of the boat, walked across the water about 30 feet, freed Malzahn's line, then walked back to the boat.
The next day, the headline in the Opelika Cow Tipper read:
"Famed Coach Can't Even Swim."
Two Auburn engineers were dispatched to measure the height of a flag pole.
One held the tap on the ground while the other started climbing the pole.
The one climbing kept sliding back unable to reach the top.
An Alabama student saw their predicament then suggest why don't you take the
pole down and then measure it.
Both Auburn engineers yelled back "you idiot they wanted to know how tall it was not how long it is"
One held the tap on the ground while the other started climbing the pole.
The one climbing kept sliding back unable to reach the top.
An Alabama student saw their predicament then suggest why don't you take the
pole down and then measure it.
Both Auburn engineers yelled back "you idiot they wanted to know how tall it was not how long it is"
During the height of Albert Einstein's fame, he attended a party where intelligence was to be the main topic. For that reason, every attendee wore a small sign with their IQ posted on it. As the famed Physicist went around the room, he based his conversation on whatever each person's sign said. He approached a nice young lady whose sign read "183." "Ah, Von Eighty Three! Vith you, I vill discuss quantum physics and particle matter!" After chatting with her for a while, he walked up to an older gentleman in a tuxedo whose sign read "178." "Von Seventy Eight! Veddy nice! Vith you, I vill discuss the space/time continuum!"
Later, as he filled his cup with punch, he turned around to face a drooling fellow whose sign read "64." He thought for a second and said, "Er.....um.......Var Eagle!"
Later, as he filled his cup with punch, he turned around to face a drooling fellow whose sign read "64." He thought for a second and said, "Er.....um.......Var Eagle!"
Two Auburn grads had been in the woods for 8 hours searching for just the right Christmas tree
Finally one said to the other " I don't care lights on no lights we are cutting the next one"
Finally one said to the other " I don't care lights on no lights we are cutting the next one"
After many complaints from faculty and fellow students, it was brought to Coach Gus' attention that players were not practicing good hygiene. So Gus calls a team meeting to address the problem.
"Fellows, it seems that we have a problem. I am getting numerous complaints from around campus that your odor is becoming offense to others. I believe this is due to the fact that some of you are not changing your underwear frequently enough. Therefore, I have devised a plan to make sure this occurs. The plan is as follows:"
"Linebackers will swap with the running backs. O-line will swap with the D-line. Punters and kickers will swap with......."
"Fellows, it seems that we have a problem. I am getting numerous complaints from around campus that your odor is becoming offense to others. I believe this is due to the fact that some of you are not changing your underwear frequently enough. Therefore, I have devised a plan to make sure this occurs. The plan is as follows:"
"Linebackers will swap with the running backs. O-line will swap with the D-line. Punters and kickers will swap with......."
The SEC just announced that, for the first time, it will be sponsoring War Games for the member institutions' ROTC programs.
Texas A&M announced they had just purchased state of the art laser sightings for all of their weapons.
The University of Alabama announced that they will supplying their program with new night vision goggles.
In preparation, Auburn University announced it planned on buying "at least 20 new septic tanks....."
Texas A&M announced they had just purchased state of the art laser sightings for all of their weapons.
The University of Alabama announced that they will supplying their program with new night vision goggles.
In preparation, Auburn University announced it planned on buying "at least 20 new septic tanks....."
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