This is Auburn HC Gus Malzahn. Doctor, can you help me? I was a hands-on coach, then I became a CEO. Then I changed my style to hands-on again and now I am going back to CEOing. Nothing seems to work any longer and I am all confused. My plays were pure awesomeness when I had Cam, and pretty good with Nick Marshall but now not so much. At one time they were even saying I would own Nick Saban. Now I don't know what to do.
I even changed my visor for a regular hat and that didn't help. My friend goobeR told me it might be them electrolyte things coming from our new titanic scoreboard but the cap didn't help. Do you think I should layer the hat with tin foil to block those electrolytes? Please help me or I am afraid I will be going to the unemployed line. Sincerely, Gus
Dear Gus, I just spoke to your friend Jay Jacobs and he assured me you have nothing to fear. He is already working on your next contract extension and it will be ready at seasons end. He says he has extensive training from former AD David Housell in taking care of coaches. He was inspirational in getting former HC Tommy Tuberville a better gig at Texas Tech and then at Cincinnati. Jay said he could do the same for you, that he already has inquiries from UAB and Eastern Mongoheliadelphia State College. Thanks for confiding in me.
Dr. Moo.
PS. Gus, have you considered talking to Larry Culpepper? I can arrange a consultation at Opelika Food Giant when he delivers next Tuesday. I'll e-mail you on that.
I even changed my visor for a regular hat and that didn't help. My friend goobeR told me it might be them electrolyte things coming from our new titanic scoreboard but the cap didn't help. Do you think I should layer the hat with tin foil to block those electrolytes? Please help me or I am afraid I will be going to the unemployed line. Sincerely, Gus
Dear Gus, I just spoke to your friend Jay Jacobs and he assured me you have nothing to fear. He is already working on your next contract extension and it will be ready at seasons end. He says he has extensive training from former AD David Housell in taking care of coaches. He was inspirational in getting former HC Tommy Tuberville a better gig at Texas Tech and then at Cincinnati. Jay said he could do the same for you, that he already has inquiries from UAB and Eastern Mongoheliadelphia State College. Thanks for confiding in me.
Dr. Moo.
PS. Gus, have you considered talking to Larry Culpepper? I can arrange a consultation at Opelika Food Giant when he delivers next Tuesday. I'll e-mail you on that.
