What NOT To say To Your Wife

[Ditchdoc]

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Okay, first of all, in my defense I was completely set up. My wife knows that like every other red blooded American heterosexual male, I hate shopping. I mean, I don't mind going to the store to buy stuff, I don't like "shopping." I know exactly what I need before entering a store, I will get said items, pay and leave. I however can not stand walking up and down each isle of the store, gazing at every item on the shelves.
So I get off duty from the Fire Dept last Saturday morning, I drive home and and am greeted by my (three year old) son and my lovely bride at the door, like I'm in a Norman Rockwell painting. After a warm fuzzy greeting my wife says, " Hey let's take Brodie to IHOP!" ( He loves the pancakes with strawberries and whip cream.)
"Hey why not," I think. I usually take a shower and put on civilian attire before leaving the station ( don't wanna bring home any funky Bi-Funn- Goo) So I tell them to load up!
Now, next thing I know I am sitting in IHOP enjoying a decent breakfast, and a bottomless cup of joe, when my wife says, "Since we're right across the street, lets go to 'SAMS ClUB'." Like she just came up with this "novel idea."
I just give her that look of, " Oh I know what you did, I know EXACTLY What you did!"
But, of course after we finish eating we drive her Jeep Liberty over to SAM'S. Just where I wanted to be on a Saturday morning.
Now, here we are Brodie in the buggy, me pushing the cart, and my lovely bride walking along side. She then instructs me to, "Wait right here, I'll be back."
(I can start feeling steam coming out of my ears right about now).
She soon returns with a brand new broom in her hand. She sticks it in the cart ( with the hanlde sticking out, at just the right ankle to give me a black eye) And, proclaims, "I need a new broom."
So, with out missing a beat I said, "Why, something wrong with you're Jeep?"






"BTW the stiches will come out ina few more days, and the doc says I am lucky as the scar will be in my hair line, and will not be visible."

[ValuJet]

I fell for that one.

Few weeks ago, my MIL was staying with us for a few days. We went out to eat lunch, then my wife says "I want to take mom and show her around town for a few minutes." I said OK.

We head straight for Kohl's. An hour and a half later, I'm sitting beside my MIL on a bench in the entryway of the store - we're both ready to get out of there.

IMO, the worst thing I said was "Honey, can you take me home then you can come back and shop as long as you'd like."

Mrs. VJ heard something entirely different.

[Tug Tide]

If you're ever in Panama City Beach and your wife says, "Let's go have lunch at Pier Park" be very concerned.

[GreatDanish]

The wife's small car is a husband's best friend. Especially when children come on to the scene.

[Ditchdoc]

	Quote:	Tug Tide
	If you're ever in Panama City Beach and your wife says, "Let's go have lunch at Pier Park" be very concerned.

She knows, if we got to Pier Park, we're going to "5 Guy's" to eat, and then she can go shop while I sit at Hoffbrua's

[rhYno]

	Quote:	Tug Tide
	If you're ever in Panama City Beach and your wife says, "Let's go have lunch at Pier Park" be very concerned.

If you're ever in Panama City... make sure you remembered to leave the wife at home.

[Tug Tide]

	Quote:	Ditchdoc
	She knows, if we got to Pier Park, we're going to "5 Guy's" to eat, and then she can go shop while I sit at Hoffbrua's

	Quote:	rhYno
	If you're ever in Panama City... make sure you remembered to leave the wife at home.

Both good answers...

[Bamaro]

I do

[bamachile]

"Honey, when did you start using grey highlights?"

[buzzincuzzin]

My two biggest blunders,,, (1)While defending myself from an unprovoked attack years ago I blurted out "It's not my fault they dropped that house on your sister!" I think my parole hearing is 2012. (2) Responding to "I'm gaining a lot of weight" with "no baby, you're just getting a little fluffy." Apparently it wasn't a question and the statement was rhetorical. I drew life-and-a-day for that one.