Official Joke Thread (Please place non-political jokes the other NS)

Bazza said:

DEAD COW LECTURE

First-year students at the Purdue Veterinary School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor".

"The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

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KentuckianaBFan said:

Purdue? I would have thought that would have been a little closer to home.....:eek2:

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KentuckianaBFan said:

Purdue? I would have thought that would have been a little closer to home.....:eek2:

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TrueCrimson7 said:

She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead 'gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the 'gator. Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration......

“Oh, no!! This one’s barefoot, too!”

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Bazza said:

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

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