Official Joke Thread (Please place non-political jokes the other NS)

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danb

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Dec 4, 2011
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Hazel Green, AL
Re: Official Joke Thread

An elderly man got onto a crowded city bus. No one offered him a seat, so he wound up having to stand in the aisle, leaning on his cane. When the bus stopped at the next stop, his cane slipped and he fell to the floor...A little boy sitting nearby said to the man...."you know, if you had one of them little rubber thingy's on the end of your stick, that would have never happened"......the old man replied while getting up..."well, if your daddy would have taken that advice, I'd have a damned seat!!!!!"
 

Bazza

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Oct 1, 2011
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Re: Official Joke Thread

People need to get off their stupid cell phones. It's getting ridiculous. Screw the gun laws...we need to go after cell phone users on our highways!

 

Gr8hope

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Nov 10, 2010
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Re: Official Joke Thread

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mom.
 

DzynKingRTR

TideFans Legend
Dec 17, 2003
42,213
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Vinings, ga., usa
Re: Official Joke Thread

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mom.
I had a girl "roommate" for awhile. Our moms always suspected something else was going on. Her mom found out for sure one day when she decided to make a surprise visit to her daughter. We apparently left the door unlocked and she walked in at the worst time.
 

danb

All-SEC
Dec 4, 2011
1,088
6
0
Hazel Green, AL
Re: Official Joke Thread

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One snarky, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter......

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
 

ValuJet

Moderator
Sep 28, 2000
22,626
19
0
Re: Official Joke Thread

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mom.
Busted!!
 
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