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Official Joke Thread (Please place non-political jokes the other NS)

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Gr8hope

Gr8hope

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Re: Official Joke Thread

An old guy was working out at the gym when he spotted a young hot girl walking in. He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine should I use to impress that girl over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."
 
alabama mike1

alabama mike1

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Jul 12, 2013
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Re: Official Joke Thread

Did you hear on the news that Monica Lewinsky said she would not vote for Hillary? When questioned for more detail she said, "the last time I voted for a Clinton it left a bad taste in my mouth."
 
Gr8hope

Gr8hope

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Re: Official Joke Thread

Often see home remedies posted and thought this one was handy.
The daily reminder may be applied to Auburn fans. :Joker_PDT_20:

 
Gr8hope

Gr8hope

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Re: Official Joke Thread



I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
 
rolltide_21

rolltide_21

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Re: Official Joke Thread

Gr8hope said:


I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
Click to expand...
:eek: :biggrin:
 
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Gr8hope

Gr8hope

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Nov 10, 2010
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Re: Official Joke Thread

A group of Ocala Florida bikers were riding east on Hwy.40 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Blackwater Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering tongue swapping kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
 
Al A Bama

Al A Bama

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Re: Official Joke Thread

Bump!

Maybe this should stay at the top so that I can maintain my sanity in this political season.

Man! There are some good ones on here!
 
T

Timberline Tide

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Re: Official Joke Thread

A guy and a gal meet in an elevator.

The guy asks, "Which floor?" The gal says, "Third floor."

The guy reads the list of offices on the wall and says, "Oh, going to give blood, I see."

She says, "Yup, it's worth $30.00. Which floor are you going to?"

He replies, "Sixth." She says, "Oh, that's the sperm bank!" He nods and says, "Right! and it's worth $60.00!"

A couple of weeks later, the same two meet in the elevator again. The guy says, "Third floor again?"

The gal, mouth tightly closed, cheeks puffed out, shakes her head and holds up 6 fingers.
 
Gr8hope

Gr8hope

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Re: Official Joke Thread

At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said,
"All the married men please stand next to the person who made your life worth living."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
 
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