Official Joke Thread - Page 2
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  1. #14

    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Keep it clean.....keep it clean....

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  3. #15
    BamaNation Hall of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RVTIDER View Post
    This girl asked if I wanted to hear a joke about her vajajay, and I replied sure. She then said never mind, I would never get it.
    Was you arse-sore from gettin' saddle-thrown?
    The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office. Dwight D. Eisenhower

  4. #16
    BamaNation Hall of Fame RVTIDER's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A man walks into a bar an orders a double scotch then moans at the bartender. The bartender ask the customer what is wrong sir. He replies I got a note today from an angry husband and he said he was gonna kill me if I did not stop having sex with his wife. So the bartender says whats wrong with that, just stop. Customer replies is not that easy. You see he didnt sign his name.
    God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.

  5. #17
    BamaNation Hall of Fame RVTIDER's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by twofbyc View Post
    Was you arse-sore from gettin' saddle-thrown?
    It was for awhile till I ask her if she wanted to hear a joke about my penis. She said sure. I said never mind it was to long.
    God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.

  6. #18
    BamaNation Hall of Fame RVTIDER's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A man walks into his doctors office and says "Doctor I have five penises" Doctor says "thats terrible, how on earth does your trousers fit?" Patient replies, "like a glove".
    God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.

  7. #19
    BamaNation All-American MegaVars's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    One for Riz....

    A man walks into a bar with a monkey, sits at bar and orders a drink. While the man is enjoying his drink the monkey starts eating the peanuts at the bar and before too long has eaten all the peanuts. The bartender sees this and tells the man he’s gonna have to get the monkey away from the bar because the peanuts are for the paying customers only. So the man takes the monkey over to a pool table and starts to shoot a game of pool. Just as the man breaks the rack, the monkey jumps on the table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it. The bartender goes wild and starts cussing the man out and tells him he and the monkey have to leave. The man, feeling bad, apologizes to the bartender, pays for the cue ball, his drinks, the peanuts, and buys a round for the house as he’s leaving. The bartender, now feeling bad for going off on the guy, tells him to come back in the next night and he’ll fix him and his monkey up. The following night the man comes back to the bar with his monkey, as they are sitting at the bar, the bartender brings the man his drink and brings the monkey a huge bowl of peanuts just for him. The monkey takes his first peanut, shoves it up his arse, pulls it out then pops it in his mouth. The bartender, not believing what he just saw, watches the monkey as he takes the second peanut, shove it up his arse, take it out and pop it in his mouth. Worried about the monkey, the bartender says to the man, “I think your monkey has gone crazy.” “He keeps shovin’ them peanuts up his arse and then poppin’ ‘em in his mouth.” “Oh no,” the man says, “He ain’t crazy, he’s just sizing ‘em to fit.”
    "And believe me, to have been in the city of Tuscaloosa in October when you were young and full of Early Times and had a shining Alabama gal by your side--to have had all that and then to have seen those red shirts pour onto the field, and, then, coming behind them, with that inexorable big cat walk of his, the man himself, The Bear--that was very good indeed." Howell Raines, a Washington correspondent for the New York Times.

  8. #20
    BamaNation Hall of Fame derek4tide's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    My favorite Lewis Grizzard, Bubba & Earl joke"

    Bubba and Earl are driving back to Athens from Atlanta when they notice they needed some gas. They start looking for a gas station and see a sign that reads "Free Sex with Fill-up." They pull in and tell the attendant to "fill 'er up." After he's done the attendant goes to the window and says that it would be $18.00 for the gas. (This is an old story.)

    They pay and as the attendant starts to walk away Bubba yells "What about my free sex?". The attendant rolls his eyes and goes to the window and says, "OK, but you have to guess the magic number. It's a number between 1 and 10." Bubba said, "6." The attendant says "No, the number is 3. Sorry."

    As the attendant starts to walk off Earl says, "Give me a try." The attendant says "OK." Earl says, "7." And the attendant says "No, I told you the number was 3."

    Bubba then speeds off and Earl looks over and says, "I think that game was fixed. There is no way to win." To which Bubba replies, "Uh uh, my wife won two times last week."
    Last edited by derek4tide; January 19th, 2012 at 04:49 PM.
    "There are two pains in life. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you can handle the pain of discipline, then you'll never have to deal with the pain of disappointment." - Nick Saban

  9. #21
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    How do you make Honey Badger stew?

    :Place Honey Badger in a bowl
    Beat thoroughly for four quarters

  10. #22
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Boudreaux and Trosclair were sittin on dey poarch, when ol Thibodeax drives up wit his pickup full of nutrasweet. Boudreaux says, "hey, Thibodeax, where you be goin wid all dat nutrasweet?" Thidodeaux says, "I goin' nutria huntin'." Trosclair say, "Thibodeaux, you ol cajun fool, you ain't gonna catch no nutria wid nutrasweet. You crazy." So Thibodeaux drives off, and comes drivin back by a few hours later with a truckload of nutria. Boudreaux and Trosclair looked at each other, and just shook their heads.
    Next day, ol boys is out on da poarch again, and Thibodeaux drives up wid a truckload of duct tape. Trosclair say, "Thibodeaux, what you gou all dat duct tape for?" Thibodeaux say, "Man, I goin duck huntin'." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, you can't catch ducks wid duct tape - you about one dumb-arse cajun." Thibodeaux drives off, comes back by a few hours later with ducks jus fallin outta his truck, he got so many. Boudreaux and Trosclair look at each other in disbelief.
    Next day, Thibodeaux drives up with a truck full of ________willows. Boudreux looks at Trosclair, and in unison they say, "Wait, Thibodeaux, we goin wid you!"
    The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office. Dwight D. Eisenhower

  11. #23
    BamaNation All-American tidefanbeezer's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A man walks into a bar with a shoe box under his arm. He walks to the bar, sets the shoebox down and orders a beer. The bartender is curious so he asks the man "What's in the box?" The man opens the lid of the box and it contains a 12 inch tall concert pianist. The bartender is amazed and asks the man "Where did you get that?!?!"

    The man replies, "From the genie in the parking lot." The bartender looks confused. "There's a genie in the parking lot?" the man says, "Yep."

    The bartender immediately runs outside and finds the genie in the parking lot. The genie tells the bartender, "I can grant you one wish." The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "I want 100 million bucks."

    Almost immediately, the sky breaks open and 100 million ducks fall from the sky. The bartender is furious. He runs back inside to the man at the bar and says, "Hey! That genie is terrible! I asked for 100 million bucks and he gave me 100 million dicks!"

    The man at the bar looks at the bartender and says, "You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

  12. #24
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast please? ‘The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiot!"


  13. #25
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
    His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
    The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

  14. #26

    Re: Official Joke Thread

    An Alabama fan is drinking in a New Orleans bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Alabama Crimson Tide baby boy weighing 25 pounds..

    Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Alabama Tide fan just shrugs and replies, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Crimson Tide baby boy. Gonna be an Alabama football player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

    Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Alabama Crimson Tide baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

    The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Alabama Crimson Tide father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,,,,,,

    "Had him circumcised."

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