Official Joke Thread - Page 4
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  1. #40
    BamaNation All-American tidefanbeezer's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    An older man and his wife of 5 decades are driving on I-20, when the man spies a police car in his rear view mirror, sirens blaring. His wife, who is hard of hearing, shouts, "WHY ARE YOU SLOWING DOWN?". The man shouts back, "WE ARE BEING PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE." The wife responds "YOU WERE PROBABLY DRIVING TOO FAST. YOU ALWAYS DRIVE TOO FAST."

    As the officer approaches the car, the man rolls down his window. The officer leans down and says, "Evening folks. I pulled you over because you were speeding." The wife shouts, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" Old man responds, "HE SAID HE'S PULLING US OVER FOR SPEEDING." The wife shouts "SEE. I TOLD YOU. YOU ALWAYS DRIVE TOO FAST."

    The officer then asks, "May I see your license and registration?" The wife shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" Old man responds "SAID HE NEEDS TO SEE MY LICENSE AND REGISTRATION." The wife shouts "WELL, GIVE IT TO HIM. YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS SITUATION IF YOU DIDN'T DRIVE SO FAST."

    The officer notices that the old couple is from Auburn and being an Alabama fan, he thinks he'll have some good natured fun with them. "I see your from Auburn. I used to date a girl from there. Worst piece of tail I ever had." The wife shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The old man responds "HE SAYS HE KNOWS YOU."

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  3. #41
    Moderator ValuJet's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by tidefanbeezer View Post
    An older man and his wife of 5 decades are driving on I-20, when the man spies a police car in his rear view mirror, sirens blaring. His wife, who is hard of hearing, shouts, "WHY ARE YOU SLOWING DOWN?". The man shouts back, "WE ARE BEING PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE." The wife responds "YOU WERE PROBABLY DRIVING TOO FAST. YOU ALWAYS DRIVE TOO FAST."

    As the officer approaches the car, the man rolls down his window. The officer leans down and says, "Evening folks. I pulled you over because you were speeding." The wife shouts, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" Old man responds, "HE SAID HE'S PULLING US OVER FOR SPEEDING." The wife shouts "SEE. I TOLD YOU. YOU ALWAYS DRIVE TOO FAST."

    The officer then asks, "May I see your license and registration?" The wife shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" Old man responds "SAID HE NEEDS TO SEE MY LICENSE AND REGISTRATION." The wife shouts "WELL, GIVE IT TO HIM. YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS SITUATION IF YOU DIDN'T DRIVE SO FAST."

    The officer notices that the old couple is from Auburn and being an Alabama fan, he thinks he'll have some good natured fun with them. "I see your from Auburn. I used to date a girl from there. Worst piece of tail I ever had." The wife shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The old man responds "HE SAYS HE KNOWS YOU."
    The cop would have had to let him off with that comeback!

  4. #42
    BamaNation Hall of Fame jthomas666's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Here's the best joke I've heard in a while--It's from ITAT, in a thread about how dat debbil went and bought Landon Collins:

    I may disagree with you, but I'm pretty sure you're not Hitler.

  5. #43
    BamaNation All-American MegaVars's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" She replies, "It's Frank, The midget."
    "And believe me, to have been in the city of Tuscaloosa in October when you were young and full of Early Times and had a shining Alabama gal by your side--to have had all that and then to have seen those red shirts pour onto the field, and, then, coming behind them, with that inexorable big cat walk of his, the man himself, The Bear--that was very good indeed." Howell Raines, a Washington correspondent for the New York Times.

  6. #44
    Moderator ValuJet's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  7. #45
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bamaro's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

    Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

    So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.

    "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good!

    Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it.

    Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came-up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends". Everyone loved it.

  8. #46
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    The Alabama Legislature
    The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office. Dwight D. Eisenhower

  9. #47
    BamaNation Hall of Fame cbi1972's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    One day, Bill comes home from the pickle factory where he works and confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests he see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill says he’d be too embarrassed, and he vows to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill comes home absolutely ashen.

    "What’s wrong, Bill?" his wife asks.

    "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

    "Oh, Bill, you didn’t."

    "Yes, I did."

    "My God, Bill, what happened?"

    "We both got fired."
    Audemus jura nostra defendere
    "When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco. " - Grandpa Joe

  10. #48
    BamaNation Hall of Fame TiderJ's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Why can't a Chinese couple make a caucasian baby?

    Because two Wong's don't make a white.

  11. #49
    Moderator ValuJet's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A Pakistani immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible"..

    The doctor says, "You need to pee and poop in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage, then, put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for 3 days".

    The man does this and goes back to the doctor and says "I feel wonderful, what was wrong with me?"

    "You were homesick."

  12. #50
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.

    "Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.

    "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

    "No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy.

    Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.

    While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"

    "That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father.

    "Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.

    Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

  13. #51
    BamaNation Hall of Fame DzynKingRTR's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. Suddenly he picks up the dog and starts swing it around and around over his head. The store manager walks up and asks him “Can I help you with something?” The blind man says “No thanks, I am just looking around.”
    Architects do it with models.

    Roll Tide Roll

  14. #52
    FB Moderator Bamabuzzard's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    What does an Arkansas woman say after hot, passionate love?






    "Roll over Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes."
    The existence of God isn't determined in the thoughts of man. God exists, no matter what man thinks.

    "It cost a lot of money to look this cheap."-Dolly Parton.

    "If you ever want to know how good your barbecue is start charging for it"-Myron Mixon

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