Official Joke Thread - Page 43
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  1. #547
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

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  3. #548
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    At the National Art Gallery , in Dublin Ireland, a Canadian couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

    After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said,“Would you like to know what the painting is really about?” “Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband. “Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.

    ”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three regular Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

  4. #549
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  5. #550
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  6. #551

    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Cletus is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere.

    He perform a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

    Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it a part to reveal his oil-stained t-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the t-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "what the world’re ya doing there, Billy Bob?"

    "God grief, Cletus, ya scared me,” says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, “but me n' the wife been havin' sum trouble lately, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

  7. #552
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  8. #553
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  9. #554
    BamaNation Hall of Fame seebell's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  10. #555
    BamaNation Hall of Fame seebell's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    The guys are all at a deer camp. No one wants to room with Bob, because he snores so badly. They decide it isn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns. The first guy sleeps with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They say, “Man, what happened to you?” He says, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
    The next night it is a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing – hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They say, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He says, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. all I could do was sit up and watch him all night.”
    The third night is Fred’s turn. Fred is a tanned, older cowboy; a man’s man. The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he says. They can’t believe it. They say, “Man, what happened?” Fred says, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Then ... Bob sat up and watched ME all night.”

  11. #556
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  12. #557
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  13. #558
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  14. #559
    BamaNation Hall of Fame DzynKingRTR's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bazza View Post
    and equally annoying
    Architects do it with models.

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