Official Joke Thread - Page 8
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  1. #92
    BamaNation First Team danb's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Coach Bryant and coach dye find themselves side by side at the stadium urinal trough after an Iron Bowl (After a resounding victory for the Tide!)

    coach dye looks over at Coach Bryant and says..."good Lawd Pawl.....how'd that thing get to be so BIG"

    Coach Bryant in a gravley voice tells him....."Every night before I go to bed, I grab it in my hands, and smack it three times against the headboard........

    and in time, it grew to that size..."

    they both part ways.

    Then late that night, Pat finally makes it home. He makes his way quietly through the darkened house into the bedroom where his wife lay, already fast asleep...

    He undresses and as he pulls the covers back, he remembers what Coach had told him......He grabs his manhood and smacks it three times on the headboard.....

    Startled Mrs. Dye awakens in the pitch black room and exclaims....."BEAR....IS THAT YOU????"

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  3. #93
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    The Husband Store


    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester , just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs


    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.


    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework...


    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:


    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


    PLEASE NOTE:
    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

  4. #94
    BamaNation Hall of Fame TexasBama's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Near the end of the 1984 Iron Bowl and Auburn has to score. Pat Dye prays "God please tell what play to run". God says "run Bo right". Bo runs right and they don't make it. After the game Dye's praying and say "God, why did you tell me run that play?" God says "hang on a second. Bear, why did we tell him to run that play?"

  5. #95
    BamaNation All-American Crimson Flyboy's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive?

    Because she was a woman.
    "The sole object and only legitimate end of government is to protect the citizen in the enjoyment of life, liberty, and property, and when the government assumes other functions, it is usurpation and oppression."

    "I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor will I ever ask another man to live for the sake of mine."

    "Any man who strives for free inquiry, free thought, and self ownership is my brother and countryman."

    A is A.

  6. #96
    BamaNation Hall of Fame GreatDanish's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bazza View Post
    The Husband Store
    I can't see this and not think: "The Jerk Store called. They're running out of you!"

  7. #97
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    *The Pastor and his false teeth*

    A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

    The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

    The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

    The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

    The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes.

    The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

    But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake....and he just couldn't stop.......talking!

  8. #98
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid....but he says he can stop any time.

  9. #99
    BamaNation All-SEC RollinTider1335's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    An guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

    Bartender: Hey buddy, you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?

    Guy: I know, it's drivin' me nuts.

  10. #100
    BamaNation First Team hollisx4's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    I have a cross eyed nephew that throws the javelin for his high school track team.

    He's never won an event, but he sure keeps the crowd on their toes

  11. #101
    BamaNation All-American Crimson Flyboy's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    How many libertarians does it take to change a lightbulb? It's best to let the market decide.
    "The sole object and only legitimate end of government is to protect the citizen in the enjoyment of life, liberty, and property, and when the government assumes other functions, it is usurpation and oppression."

    "I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor will I ever ask another man to live for the sake of mine."

    "Any man who strives for free inquiry, free thought, and self ownership is my brother and countryman."

    A is A.

  12. #102
    BamaNation Hall of Fame bamacon's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread


  13. #103
    BamaNation All-American AlexanderFan's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum sucking scavenger, and the other is just a fish.

    Sorry to all the lawyers, it is a good joke.

    Sent from my DROID RAZR HD using Tapatalk 2
    "It's not luck, it's random bursts of talent." - Gage Robinson

  14. #104
    BamaNation All-American Crimson Flyboy's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Thread

    What's the difference between the government and a prostitute?

    A prostitute will stop screwing you once your dead.
    "The sole object and only legitimate end of government is to protect the citizen in the enjoyment of life, liberty, and property, and when the government assumes other functions, it is usurpation and oppression."

    "I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor will I ever ask another man to live for the sake of mine."

    "Any man who strives for free inquiry, free thought, and self ownership is my brother and countryman."

    A is A.

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