Official Joke Thread (Please place non-political jokes the other NS)
- Thread starter Rasputin
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Official Joke Thread
The little rascals were sitting in English class one day.
The teacher (Mrs. Crabtree) asks for someone to spell the word LOVE.
Alfalfa anxiously raises his hand and the teacher calls on him.
He says, "L-O-V-E."
"Very good," says Mrs. Crabtree, "now use it in a sentence."
"I LOVE Darla," says Alfalfa
"Very good, now someone spell REALLY"
Spanky then raises his hand and calls out "R-E-A-L-L-Y."
Again Mrs. Crabtree asks to use that word in a sentence.
Spanky says...
"I REALLY love Darla"
"OK" says Mrs. Crabtree, "now someone spell DICTATE."
She calls on Buckwheat and he replys "D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"That's great Buckwheat, now use it in a sentence."
Buckwheat thought and thought, but couldn't think of a sentence to use the word in...
"Come on now Buckwheat" said Mrs Crabtree, "We've went over this word in our studies recently"
Finally, Buckwheat says, "I know Mrs Crabtree!"
"Darla say, my DICTATE, like chocolate!"
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The little rascals were sitting in English class one day.
The teacher (Mrs. Crabtree) asks for someone to spell the word LOVE.
Alfalfa anxiously raises his hand and the teacher calls on him.
He says, "L-O-V-E."
"Very good," says Mrs. Crabtree, "now use it in a sentence."
"I LOVE Darla," says Alfalfa
"Very good, now someone spell REALLY"
Spanky then raises his hand and calls out "R-E-A-L-L-Y."
Again Mrs. Crabtree asks to use that word in a sentence.
Spanky says...
"I REALLY love Darla"
"OK" says Mrs. Crabtree, "now someone spell DICTATE."
She calls on Buckwheat and he replys "D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"That's great Buckwheat, now use it in a sentence."
Buckwheat thought and thought, but couldn't think of a sentence to use the word in...
"Come on now Buckwheat" said Mrs Crabtree, "We've went over this word in our studies recently"
Finally, Buckwheat says, "I know Mrs Crabtree!"
"Darla say, my DICTATE, like chocolate!"
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Last edited:
Re: Official Joke Thread
There was a penguin on a cross america driving tour -- is was slow in the antartic, and he was on his annual vacation. When he got to Arizona, the penguin saw his oil light come on and decided that he'd best get it looked at.
He stopped at a garage and they told him to come back in a half an hour so they could look at it. The penguin then walked up the street, and he spotted an ice cream store. To a penquin in the desert, nothing sounded better than ice cream. He went in and ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream.
Unfortunately, the penguin didn't have hands, he only had flippers, so he really made a mess of things but then he saw it was time to go back to the garage.
The penguin waddled back up the street to the garage and the mechanic said "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin replied, "it's only ice cream."
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
There was a penguin on a cross america driving tour -- is was slow in the antartic, and he was on his annual vacation. When he got to Arizona, the penguin saw his oil light come on and decided that he'd best get it looked at.
He stopped at a garage and they told him to come back in a half an hour so they could look at it. The penguin then walked up the street, and he spotted an ice cream store. To a penquin in the desert, nothing sounded better than ice cream. He went in and ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream.
Unfortunately, the penguin didn't have hands, he only had flippers, so he really made a mess of things but then he saw it was time to go back to the garage.
The penguin waddled back up the street to the garage and the mechanic said "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin replied, "it's only ice cream."
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Re: Official Joke Thread
Two older country guys were sitting and talking like old friends do... The first said "Y'know, Clyde, I've been seeing on the wife's phone that internets thing... there's a hell of a lot to look at out there. There's web book things for all kinds of stuff, like hunting, fishing, trucks, John Deeres, shooting... anything you can think of. It's got me to thinking, to be honest; kids is grown and moved out, Delilah and me are doing okay, I got the time... think I'll go to that community college."
Clyde agrees, and says "Yeah, that oughta be a good time, Joe, why not? You and I quit school to work after 9th grade to work, it'd be good to see ya get some book learning in ya."
So Joe goes to the school, and talks with a student counselor. They agree that along with some of the basics, there'd be a few courses that'd be especially rewarding and could count towards credit. "One of those that you might enjoy, Joe, is 'Logic and Critical Analysis'" offered the counselor, enjoying his meeting with an older gentleman.
"What's that?" asks Joe.
"Well, it's about extrapolating information from just a few basic points. Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed whacker?"
"Yeah, I do..."
"Okay... knowing that, I can assume that you have a lawn to maintain because you own one of those. That means you live in a house, and not an apartment, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And because you live in a house, that would most likely mean that you're married and have a family, correct?"
"Yeah, I do... 4 kids with Delilah."
"Great. So taking it even further, it's safe to say you're not a homosexual, then, right?" the counselor continued expansively.
"Yeah, that's sure right...! Hey, that's neat, I like that one, sign me up for that course."
And so it went. Joe enrolled, and after struggling a bit, started to pick up on his courses.
A few weeks went by, Joe and Clyde are visiting again. Clyde asks "Say, how's them college courses going for ya?"
Joe replies "Aw, it's neat. I'm learning how to work a computer, Delilah and I are working on a budget and planning for retirement, I'm really enjoying Civil War History, and this Logic course I'm taking is a good time too..."
"Logic course? What's that?" Clyde asks.
"It's a real trick, about how to figure stuff out with very little information. Lemme give you an example; do you own a weed whacker?"
"No", Clyde admitted.
"That's cuz you're gay."
Two older country guys were sitting and talking like old friends do... The first said "Y'know, Clyde, I've been seeing on the wife's phone that internets thing... there's a hell of a lot to look at out there. There's web book things for all kinds of stuff, like hunting, fishing, trucks, John Deeres, shooting... anything you can think of. It's got me to thinking, to be honest; kids is grown and moved out, Delilah and me are doing okay, I got the time... think I'll go to that community college."
Clyde agrees, and says "Yeah, that oughta be a good time, Joe, why not? You and I quit school to work after 9th grade to work, it'd be good to see ya get some book learning in ya."
So Joe goes to the school, and talks with a student counselor. They agree that along with some of the basics, there'd be a few courses that'd be especially rewarding and could count towards credit. "One of those that you might enjoy, Joe, is 'Logic and Critical Analysis'" offered the counselor, enjoying his meeting with an older gentleman.
"What's that?" asks Joe.
"Well, it's about extrapolating information from just a few basic points. Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed whacker?"
"Yeah, I do..."
"Okay... knowing that, I can assume that you have a lawn to maintain because you own one of those. That means you live in a house, and not an apartment, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And because you live in a house, that would most likely mean that you're married and have a family, correct?"
"Yeah, I do... 4 kids with Delilah."
"Great. So taking it even further, it's safe to say you're not a homosexual, then, right?" the counselor continued expansively.
"Yeah, that's sure right...! Hey, that's neat, I like that one, sign me up for that course."
And so it went. Joe enrolled, and after struggling a bit, started to pick up on his courses.
A few weeks went by, Joe and Clyde are visiting again. Clyde asks "Say, how's them college courses going for ya?"
Joe replies "Aw, it's neat. I'm learning how to work a computer, Delilah and I are working on a budget and planning for retirement, I'm really enjoying Civil War History, and this Logic course I'm taking is a good time too..."
"Logic course? What's that?" Clyde asks.
"It's a real trick, about how to figure stuff out with very little information. Lemme give you an example; do you own a weed whacker?"
"No", Clyde admitted.
"That's cuz you're gay."
Re: Official Joke Thread
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price".
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price".
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