My daughter sent this to me, I thought it's good enough for everyone to see.

Quotes: "As I'm sure you are already aware, I am the 2nd most successful public middle school defensive coordinator in Etowah County."

We have only surrendered 48 points this year, 28 of which I blame squarely on an inept offensive coordinator."

"Aside from my culinary expertise, I have also lived a life that helps me fit right into Louisiana. I fell for my common law wife after seeing her expose herself for the honor of plastic beads at Mardi Gras."

I have been preparing for the possibility of this job opening since last year. My lawn has been carefully eaten the entire summer. I haven't had a solid bowel movement in 8 months, but I believe that my dedication proves I am the man for the job."