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Thread: Joke thread

  1. #27
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  2. #28
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  3. #29

    Re: Joke thread

    The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.


    Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)


    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem ....ed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh crap” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
    Oderint dum metuant - Lucius Accius

  4. #30
    BamaNation Hall of Fame seebell's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  5. #31
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  6. #32
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  7. #33
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread

    This is NOT me...I'm like 'Gotta go.....see ya when I see ya!'


  8. #34
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  9. #35
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread


  10. #36
    BamaNation Hall of Fame DzynKingRTR's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bazza View Post
    I might try this.
    Architects do it with models.

    Roll Tide Roll

  11. #37
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bazza's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread

    A couple has a dog that snores.

    Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can
    help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and
    he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

    A few minutes after going to bed the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife
    tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the
    closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the
    dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!

    Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking
    with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring
    loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him.

    So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it
    around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman
    sleeps soundly.

    In the morning the husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into
    the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet he sees a blue ribbon
    attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the
    bedroom he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

    He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we
    were or what we did, but, by God, we took first and second place."

  12. #38
    BamaNation All-SEC Moro Creek's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread

    Two cannibals had a fire going and were chowing down on a comedian. One turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you"?

  13. #39
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Bodhisattva's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread

    Dear people who type in all lowercase,

    We are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

    Sincerely,
    Capital Letters
    Bodhi


    Lily (age 6): Daddy, I know what I want to be when I grow up: an artist.
    Bodhi (internally groaning): Yeah? What kind of artist?
    Lily: A balloon animal artist!
    Bodhi (face palm)

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