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Thread: Joke thread

  1. #66
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    Re: Joke thread

    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

    A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

    Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    MAN: “Hello”

    WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

    MAN: “Yes.”

    WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”

    MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

    WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”

    MAN: “How much?”

    WOMAN: “$90,000.”

    MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

    WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”

    MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”

    WOMAN: “Oh THANKS! I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

    MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

    The man turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
    "Old dog - new tricks"

  2. #67
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    Re: Joke thread

    Kids.....exploring ancient ruins......

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  3. #68
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  4. #69
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  5. #70
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  6. #71
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    Re: Joke thread

    Priorities......

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  7. #72
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  8. #73
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

  9. #74

    Re: Joke thread

    Investment Advice

    On their wedding night, the young bride
    Approached her new husband and asked
    For $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
    In his highly aroused state,
    Her husband readily agreed
    .
    This scenario was repeated each time they made
    Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
    Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
    She needed.

    Arriving home around noon one day, she was
    Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
    During the next few minutes, he explained that
    His employer was going through a process of corporate
    Downsizing, and he had been let go.

    It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
    Another position that paid anywhere near what
    He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

    Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
    Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
    Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, And informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

    She explained that for more than
    Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
    These holdings had multiplied and these were the
    Results of her savings and investments.

    Faced with evidence of cash and investments
    Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
    Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
    'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
    I would have given you all my business!'

    That's when she shot him.
    Oderint dum metuant - Lucius Accius

  10. #75
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    Re: Joke thread

    "Old dog - new tricks"

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