Satirical history of Huntsville...
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  1. #1
    Senior Administrator TIDE-HSV's Avatar
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    Satirical history of Huntsville...

    This popped up on my Facebook page...

    Brad Tannehill
    August 27 at 4:50 PM

    A Brief History of Huntsville

    Huntsville was founded a long time ago by someone who is now dead. In the beginning, the city was called Twickenham. This was before Bridge Street , so it was not a good time to be a resident. Later on the town was renamed Huntsville , because, come on, Twickenham. The name “ Huntsville ” was taken from an Indian word that roughly translates to, “We’re getting out of here, there’s a tornado coming.”

    Huntsville was an important part of the Civil War. Confederate forces willingly surrendered the town to the Yankees, who did not know about the tornadoes. The rebels thought this was very funny. Several Yankees were sucked up and landed on Monte Sano, where they remain to this day. They are called Presbyterians.

    The first mayor of Huntsville was Wernher Von Braun, who was a scientist who invented the vacuum cleaner. Von Braun came to Huntsville and started inventing rockets, presumably to blow up the tornadoes. He never did figure out how to do this, so he gave up and invented Space Camp. He was very good at inventing things.

    Starting in the 1960s, Huntsville was subjected to another invasion. Only this time it wasnąt Yankees who were invading, but engineers. These engineers were mostly short men, and all of them drove very fast cars. No one really understood what they did for a living, but they all had lots of money. The engineers are still here today, because engineers never really die; they just keep inventing ways to stay alive.

    In the 1980s Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco formed a minor league baseball team called the Huntsville Stars. The Stars played at Joe Davis stadium, where they excelled at making it all the way to the Southern League Championship and then losing. Back then McGwire and Canseco were not using steroids, probably because they were too busy eating the ice cream at the concession stand that comes in the little plastic helmets, which is excellent.

    The most famous person in Huntsville is Dan Satterfield, who is a television meteorologist and loud person. He is the arch nemesis of the tornado. Whenever it begins to rain in, say, western Kansas , Satterfield immediately interrupts television programming to broadcast warnings for the next seven hours straight. Many tornadoes have gone away sad because Dan Satterfield ruined their sneak attacks.

    Today Huntsville has a bright future, and not just because it has more restaurants than people. It is a modern city on the cusp of research and technology. It is a crossroads, where the spirit of the Old South meets the expression of the arts. It is a bustling, thriving community where diversity and tradition mingle.

    Basically, it is a city that prides itself on not being Birmingham .

    Original story credit: Matthew Pierce

    (Note: Satterfield is a TV meteorologist, formerly with WHNT, CBS affiliate here, who was frequently criticized for onscreen hysteria.)
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  2. #2
    BamaNation All-American AlistarWills's Avatar
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    That’s pretty funny

  3. #3
    BamaNation Hall of Fame Crimson1967's Avatar
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    Like all good satire, there is a good bit of truth in it.


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  4. #4
    BamaNation Hall of Fame GrayTide's Avatar
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    Love the part of "prides itself on not being Birmingham".
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  5. #5
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    Quote Originally Posted by TIDE-HSV View Post
    This popped up on my Facebook page...

    Brad Tannehill
    August 27 at 4:50 PM

    A Brief History of Huntsville

    Huntsville was founded a long time ago by someone who is now dead. In the beginning, the city was called Twickenham. This was before Bridge Street , so it was not a good time to be a resident. Later on the town was renamed Huntsville , because, come on, Twickenham. The name “ Huntsville ” was taken from an Indian word that roughly translates to, “We’re getting out of here, there’s a tornado coming.”

    Huntsville was an important part of the Civil War. Confederate forces willingly surrendered the town to the Yankees, who did not know about the tornadoes. The rebels thought this was very funny. Several Yankees were sucked up and landed on Monte Sano, where they remain to this day. They are called Presbyterians.

    The first mayor of Huntsville was Wernher Von Braun, who was a scientist who invented the vacuum cleaner. Von Braun came to Huntsville and started inventing rockets, presumably to blow up the tornadoes. He never did figure out how to do this, so he gave up and invented Space Camp. He was very good at inventing things.

    Starting in the 1960s, Huntsville was subjected to another invasion. Only this time it wasnąt Yankees who were invading, but engineers. These engineers were mostly short men, and all of them drove very fast cars. No one really understood what they did for a living, but they all had lots of money. The engineers are still here today, because engineers never really die; they just keep inventing ways to stay alive.

    In the 1980s Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco formed a minor league baseball team called the Huntsville Stars. The Stars played at Joe Davis stadium, where they excelled at making it all the way to the Southern League Championship and then losing. Back then McGwire and Canseco were not using steroids, probably because they were too busy eating the ice cream at the concession stand that comes in the little plastic helmets, which is excellent.

    The most famous person in Huntsville is Dan Satterfield, who is a television meteorologist and loud person. He is the arch nemesis of the tornado. Whenever it begins to rain in, say, western Kansas , Satterfield immediately interrupts television programming to broadcast warnings for the next seven hours straight. Many tornadoes have gone away sad because Dan Satterfield ruined their sneak attacks.

    Today Huntsville has a bright future, and not just because it has more restaurants than people. It is a modern city on the cusp of research and technology. It is a crossroads, where the spirit of the Old South meets the expression of the arts. It is a bustling, thriving community where diversity and tradition mingle.

    Basically, it is a city that prides itself on not being Birmingham .

    Original story credit: Matthew Pierce

    (Note: Satterfield is a TV meteorologist, formerly with WHNT, CBS affiliate here, who was frequently criticized for onscreen hysteria.)
    There is hardly a week driving around Madison and Huntsville sitting in traffic on narrow two lane highways that date to the 1950's that now serve as main arteries, dodging high speed traffic on I-565, or avoiding the Hwy 72 parking lot, that I don't recall this sleepy cotton farming and mill community of the 1950's. The miles of gravel road that connected the tiny cotton farm I grew up on are now paved red neck race-ways that connect the practically lawless rural communities that exist around the metropolis that is Huntsville, Madison, Athens, Decatur, etc. etc.

    Ah! Progress and the wonderful consequences that arise from it!
    Last edited by UAH; August 30th, 2019 at 08:57 AM.

  6. #6
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    From what I remember of Satterfield, it's spot on. Is he still there?

  7. #7
    BamaNation All-American FitToBeTide's Avatar
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    Dan is currently Chief Meteorologist at WBOC-TV, in Delmarva, Delaware.

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  8. #8
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    Re: Satirical history of Huntsville...

    Quote Originally Posted by FitToBeTide View Post
    Dan is currently Chief Meteorologist at WBOC-TV, in Delmarva, Delaware.
    Bless their hearts.

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