Gray —
My dad had some anxiety with his dementia. Different from your wife recovering from a stroke, but we found a simple thing that really helped to calm the anxiety.
He’d look up from the TV, and if he couldn’t find my mother immediately, he’d panic. When panicked, anything he’d been told, no matter how many times, would evaporate. That held even though, at that stage, he would otherwise have been able to remember.
We got a small (18 x 24 or so) white board and bright colored dry-erase markers (bright colors were important — they’d stand out and grab attention).
She’d write the day and date, where she was and when she’d be back. Later, when he got where he couldn’t be by himself at all, I stayed with him a couple of times. I’d write something like, “Sunday, November 24. Betty is at church. She’ll be back at noon. Shelby is in the kitchen.”
It really calmed him, and might be worth a try.
God bless you on your caregiving. Be sure to take care of yourself. Take breaks and get out, even if it’s just lunch with buddies. You can’t take care of her if you’re worn to a frazzle yourself.
