Advice for dealing with a Mom who is losing her memory?

[Bodhisattva]

I remember trying to talk my mom into giving up driving. She had dents and scratches all over her car. My sister and I finally let her doctor be the heavy and recommend she stop.
It worked out well, and she never complained!

I suspect my Mom's days of driving will be ending fairly soon. There hasn't been a problem with her running into things (as far as I know), but with her moving to a new place, I imagine she will have trouble learning new routes to various places. My wife and I are expecting to get calls from her that she's lost somewhere in her car. If she won't voluntarily give up driving then I will see to it that she looses her keys. I'll take care of her mortgage, utility bills, etc. And since I'll see her regularly, I can do her grocery shopping also. I'm planning to bring her to my house on Friday after work and bring her back home on Sunday. So, she really won't need to drive. We'll see how that goes ....

 

[Bazza]

I suspect my Mom's days of driving will be ending fairly soon. There hasn't been a problem with her running into things (as far as I know), but with her moving to a new place, I imagine she will have trouble learning new routes to various places. My wife and I are expecting to get calls from her that she's lost somewhere in her car. If she won't voluntarily give up driving then I will see to it that she looses her keys. I'll take care of her mortgage, utility bills, etc. And since I'll see her regularly, I can do her grocery shopping also. I'm planning to bring her to my house on Friday after work and bring her back home on Sunday. So, she really won't need to drive. We'll see how that goes ....

Bodhi - how far away from you will your Mom be now in her new pad?

 

[Bodhisattva]

Bodhi - how far away from you will your Mom be now in her new pad?

From my house it will be about 40 minutes. She'll be closer to where I work (St. Augustine) - about 20 minutes to the West. So, it won't be that big a deal to visit her on Fridays and bring her to my house for the weekend. However, I'm presently teleworking (since October) because the office building is going through a complete renovation. The work was supposed to be complete in April. But, since it is the government, I just found out today to plan for July. So, I'll still plan to have Mom stay with us on weekends; it will just be a longer drive for me. But, what can I do? It's for my Mom. No big deal.

 

[Bodhisattva]

ETA: A year ago I found two similar houses that were between my house and work. Very convenient. However, Mom went full stubborn-mode and slow played the decision. I kept telling her that the housing market is booming and nothing is on the market long. She called the market's bluff and missed out. Fortunately, she came around and agreed to this current house. Thankfully so, as this is the last house on 5+ acres in the county. You can find acreage, but it is either raw land or has a house that's a tear-down. Either option would have added nine months or more the process.

 

[Con]

I don't come over to Non Sports much but my wife and I are going through something similar with her parents right now. This thread is a very good find today. I appreciate all of your replies on this thread.

 

[Bodhisattva]

Update: I believe last weekend was the the last time my brothers and I have to go back to Alabama to work on my Mom's properties. That's a trip about every two or three weeks for 11 months for me. To recap, nearly all of the tenant's stopped paying rent for at least a year until I got Mom to turn things over to a management company. All of her properties were damaged, and seven were unrentable. People stayed, trashed the apartment or house, and then left. I didn't realize all these issues existed before I started my regular trips back home. Mom just was not able to deal with the thieves, so she just surrendered and did nothing.

When I got involved and turned things over to a property manager, most of the tenants started paying (under market) rent again. I needed the income to fund the repairs, so I let bygones be bygones ... for a little while. Now that most of the repairs have been done, and quality tenants are now moving in, it's time for justice to be served. I'm having a handful of holdovers kicked out every month. These are people that each owe my Mom tens of thousands of dollars. It's amazing how attitudes change when people are confronted with karma. "Where will I go?" "There's a shortage of rentals in this area?" "What about my kids?" "What about .....?" The answers to all those questions fall under the broad and deep category of "not my problem." The gravy train is out of track.

 

[Bazza]

Thanks for the update, Bodhi. Glad you were able to get some assistance from your brothers. That's not always an easy task.

What you did no doubt took a lot of work --- but like so many things in life --- the investment up front pays bigger dividends down the road.

You Mom is an amazing lady and she's very fortunate to have such an amazing son.

Thanks for the inspiration, my friend!

Back on the topic of memory loss....my Mom's has gotten worse in just the past couple months. I looked up the symptoms of Demetia and some of those apply, so looks like we have some work to do here ourselves.

Cognitive changes

• Memory loss, which is usually noticed by someone else
• Difficulty communicating or finding words
• Difficulty with visual and spatial abilities, such as getting lost while driving
• Difficulty reasoning or problem-solving
• Difficulty handling complex tasks
• Difficulty with planning and organizing
• Difficulty with coordination and motor functions
• Confusion and disorientation