Joke thread - including cartoons, memes, and misc.

[GrayTide]

 

[Go Bama]

 

[crimsonaudio]

 

[Bazza]

 

[Bazza]

 

[Bazza]

 

[Bazza]

 

[Bazza]

 

[Go Bama]

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:"A motorcycle."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Officer:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

 

[crimsonaudio]

 

[rolltide_21]

View attachment 8968

This made my day!! LOL

 

[CrimsonTheory]

A neighbor of mine was recently arrested for having a paper towel on their head. The cops said there was a BOUNTY on their heads.

 

[NationalTitles18]

 

[B1GTide]

View attachment 9029

For those who are not nerds - it's not a bug, it's a feature.

 

[Bazza]

Not exactly a "joke" but guess I will post it here instead of Matt's "video" thread over in politics.....

This outdoor Rube Goldberg Machine goes around my entire yard, and swishes a basketball shot after 70 steps. This video was filmed in one take, meaning there are absolutely no hidden cuts or edits. The machine took a month to build and another month to successfully work, so please share this with anyone who needs some entertainment during these strange times!

Filmed entirely with the GoPro MAX. The GoPro MAX is a 360 camera, and I used it for this video so I did not have to stress about missing anything during the filming process. With the GoPro MAX, you can reframe your video after you film it, so it was impossible to miss any part of the machine when filming. If there are any strange spots in this video you might think looks like a cut or edit, that is just the stitching of the 360 video.

 

[Bazza]

 

[Elefantman]

Not exactly a "joke" but guess I will post it here instead of Matt's "video" thread over in politics.....

This outdoor Rube Goldberg Machine goes around my entire yard, and swishes a basketball shot after 70 steps. This video was filmed in one take, meaning there are absolutely no hidden cuts or edits. The machine took a month to build and another month to successfully work, so please share this with anyone who needs some entertainment during these strange times!

Filmed entirely with the GoPro MAX. The GoPro MAX is a 360 camera, and I used it for this video so I did not have to stress about missing anything during the filming process. With the GoPro MAX, you can reframe your video after you film it, so it was impossible to miss any part of the machine when filming. If there are any strange spots in this video you might think looks like a cut or edit, that is just the stitching of the 360 video.

Showed this to my wife, her response: "His wife sent him out to clean the garage and look what happened."

 

[seebell]

nm

 

[NationalTitles18]

 

[seebell]

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.