Need help regarding a death

AlistarWills

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Jul 26, 2006
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We lost my mother Monday to an 18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. Sadly she almost had it beat last Summer.
I need suggestions of things that need to be done (State of Alabama). My brother and I are currently riding with my Dad to their various banks to get us on their accounts in the event he is disabled somehow and can’t write a check. He’s been working on closing credit cards and charge accounts. Not sure what all else needs to be done. Any suggestions would be helpful. We don’t know if the state processes the death certificates and passes that info to various entities like the Board of Registrars.
 

Padreruf

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Feb 12, 2001
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Charleston, South Carolina
We lost my mother Monday to an 18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. Sadly she almost had it beat last Summer.
I need suggestions of things that need to be done (State of Alabama). My brother and I are currently riding with my Dad to their various banks to get us on their accounts in the event he is disabled somehow and can’t write a check. He’s been working on closing credit cards and charge accounts. Not sure what all else needs to be done. Any suggestions would be helpful. We don’t know if the state processes the death certificates and passes that info to various entities like the Board of Registrars.
Prayers for you...check this out: https://probateadvance.com/alabama-probate-laws/
 

AlistarWills

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Jul 26, 2006
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Thank you. Don’t think any of that is going to apply. She had no debt and my Dad is still with us so everything is in his name.
There is a piece of property though that is shared amongst her and all her siblings and half siblings. Some of those have already passed also. She paid the taxes for years out of her own pocket after their Dad’s coffee can of money buried in the yard ran out. Not sure what’s going to happen there.
 
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Padreruf

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Feb 12, 2001
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Thank you. Don’t think any of that is going to apply. She had no debt and my Dad is still with us so everything is in his name.
There is a piece of property though that is shared amongst her and all her siblings and half siblings. Some of those have already passed also. She paid the taxes for years out of her own pocket after their Dad’s coffee can of money buried in the yard ran out. Not sure what’s going to happen there.
From my experience that will be the tough nut...it would be great if a sibling would buy you all out at current prices...otherwise her part will go to your Dad and then to you and your siblings. It can really get complicated after a couple of deaths...and getting everyone to pony up their share of taxes...I will not even go there. As a minister you get pulled into a lot of scenarios that the best thing I could say was, "Call a good lawyer to work it out."
 
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AlistarWills

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From my experience that will be the tough nut...it would be great if a sibling would buy you all out at current prices...otherwise her part will go to your Dad and then to you and your siblings. It can really get complicated after a couple of deaths...and getting everyone to pony up their share of taxes...I will not even go there. As a minister you get pulled into a lot of scenarios that the best thing I could say was, "Call a good lawyer to work it out."
I honestly don’t know if the other siblings even know it’s there. She paid the taxes and never asked them for it. They knew they were on it when their Dad died though.
 
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Bazza

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Oct 1, 2011
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Sorry to hear of your mother's passing, @AlistarWills - but sounds like it could have been a blessing considering her battle with cancer. I'm sorry if that comment is inappropriate. Losing a parent is never something anyone would wish for.

Good idea to get onto your Dad's bank account as co-owner. Then get set up with online banking. That will help when it comes to monitoring things. I don't know your father's mental capacity but at some point he may need more assistance from you, with not only finance stuff, but others.

I'm not equipped to give you much legal advice except having a decent attorney who handles family and estate law would be something you'd want to have, especially if they are a family friend, but otherwise, as long as they know their stuff - really helpful to have access to.

I expect you will get more advice from others here. I mostly wanted to post my sincerest condolences.

If I can do anything for you......please don't hesitate! ❤
 

AlistarWills

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Sorry to hear of your mother's passing, @AlistarWills - but sounds like it could have been a blessing considering her battle with cancer. I'm sorry if that comment is inappropriate. Losing a parent is never something anyone would wish for.

Good idea to get onto your Dad's bank account as co-owner. Then get set up with online banking. That will help when it comes to monitoring things. I don't know your father's mental capacity but at some point he may need more assistance from you, with not only finance stuff, but others.

I'm not equipped to give you much legal advice except having a decent attorney who handles family and estate law would be something you'd want to have, especially if they are a family friend, but otherwise, as long as they know their stuff - really helpful to have access to.

I expect you will get more advice from others here. I mostly wanted to post my sincerest condolences.

If I can do anything for you......please don't hesitate! ❤
Thank you. He’s sharp as a tack. He’s the one that wanted to add us. He needs serious back surgery which he actually put off because he wouldn’t leave her side. He needs us to be able to handle his affairs in the event he’s incapacitated for a while due to the surgery.
 

Crimson1967

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I honestly don’t know if the other siblings even know it’s there. She paid the taxes and never asked them for it. They knew they were on it when their Dad died though.
In whose name is the property? Still your grandfather? Did he will it to anyone in particular?
 

BamaInBham

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Feb 14, 2007
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I too extend my sympathy to you regarding the loss of your Mom. It sounds like you've had a great relationship with your parents which so eases your pain when they pass away - few or no regrets. Nevertheless, you miss her.

In terms of your father, you may want to consider getting "durable power of attorney" in case he becomes mentally incapacitated or diminished. Also, a living will, aka, an advanced directive. You may have addressed those matters but if not, they may be instruments in which you would be interested.
 

4Q Basket Case

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I too extend my sympathy to you regarding the loss of your Mom. It sounds like you've had a great relationship with your parents which so eases your pain when they pass away - few or no regrets. Nevertheless, you miss her.

In terms of your father, you may want to consider getting "durable power of attorney" in case he becomes mentally incapacitated or diminished. Also, a living will, aka, an advanced directive. You may have addressed those matters but if not, they may be instruments in which you would be interested.
Echoing the first paragraph.

The second paragraph here has some excellent advice. Do all this quickly. You never know when your father might no longer be able to contract.

I promise you, that’s God’s own mess if he can’t act for himself while settling your Mom’s estate.

I won’t bore you with the gory details. But in this context, hard experience has turned the word “family” into an obscenity to my ears.

My best advice would be to have a good attorney put it all into writing. The way “family” defines the relationship and the responsibilities is far too often a sad commentary on today’s world.

You seem to be the one everybody else is looking to. I hope it’s not the case, but it’s highly possible that you will need both a strong spine and a thick skin. Depending on the attitude others take, and your desire to have a cordial relationship in the future, you might also need a short memory.

God bless. You have both my sympathies and best wishes.
 

AlistarWills

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In whose name is the property? Still your grandfather? Did he will it to anyone in particular?
Property is legally in the name of my mother and all 7 of her other siblings. 2 are now deceased, not sure if the family of those who passed even knows it’s there.
 

jds22

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Sep 27, 2011
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First I would like to say that I am sorry for your loss.
Lost my Mom in November and still miss her every day. My Dad passed in 2007 and I helped my Mom manage her affairs. As her health declined I had to take over everything the last 4-5 years. You may want to consult an estate attorney to make sure you have everything covered but here is advice I can offer from my experience.

The advice above to get a durable power of attorney and a living will is essential. It was sometimes difficult but I had discussions with my Mom and my siblings together so that everyone knew what her wishes were and how the estate would be divided. That made things easier as there was no question what was going to happen when she passed. Make sure beneficiaries are updated on any life insurance or financial accounts.

You will need access to all of his accounts. Be careful of the wording on checking or savings accounts. I had a friend who was a co-owner on his mother’s accounts and creditors came after him when she passed and the estate had no funds to cover. Not only will you need access to financial accounts you need access to any credit accounts and health insurance accounts. Monitor any health statements and compare them to any bills you receive for healthcare. There were numerous times my mother was billed for healthcare services that the insurance had already covered.

Your family can devise a plan to protect your parents assets, such as their home, by transferring ownership to you an your siblings. Be mindful of this because if your Dad has to eventually go to a nursing home and cannot cover the cost then his assets can be claimed to cover those expenses. They can “look back” 5 years to reclaim any assets that were transferred. That bothered more than anything. My family was never well off and everything my Mom and Dad worked could have been forfeited because she would not have been able to afford nursing home care if needed.

An estate attorney would be able to help you navigate all of this more that I may have left out. I hope this helps and wish peace for you and your family.
 

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