While eating lunch in a local sports bar the other day, I noticed a complete set of SEC replica football helmets aligned along a shelf above the bar. In my boredom, I found myself mentally ranking their appeal. Given football season's almost here, help me get into the mood. Rank, in your opinion, the "best" conference helmets - #1 being the best, #12 being the worst. Like this ...
12 Vanderbilt. Poor 'ol Vandy. You'd think the football gods would've at least given the 'Dores a cool helmet, given they field an abomination to mankind every fall. I rank Vanderbilt last mostly because they've never chosen a logo and stuck to it for any length of time. Of course, they ARE plagued with the letter "V," as if anything you do with "V" has any possibility of not looking stupid. It's like being named "Gertrude." You just can't win, man. Plus, Vandy yearns to somehow incorporate a star in their logo, though I've yet to figure out why. It's too bad because their color scheme rocks. Oh we'll, I suppose they can take solace in the fact that the majority of players from the rest of the SEC will be serving them french fries on their way to a ski trip some day.
11 Georgia. I checked first to make sure the Bulldogs stole Green Bay's logo. They did. The Packers introduced the "G" in 1961, Georgia in 1964. My inclination is to shame them for being so lazy that they couldn't even come up with their own logo. But then again, everything about Georgia is forgettable, which makes this helmet ideal for them.
10 Mississippi State. The Dogs would get a higher ranking from me if they hadn't traded the intertwined red-based 'MSU' for the white-based 'M State.' Though I like Sly Croom, he needs a cat scan for this decision.
9 Florida. This has only been Florida's logo since 1979. And if the word "Gators" across the helmet was a 100 year tradition, I'd be more inclined to support it. In general, cursive writing on a helmet is a no-no. Ole Miss gets a higher ranking than Florida because of a better, less annoying color scheme.
8 South Carolina. Props to USC for trying to come up with something cool. Some university art major really worked hard on this "bird in the middle of the 'C' thing" - valiant effort, but still lacking. Another problem the Gamecocks have is that they can't decide if their dominant color is black, red, or white. One year they look like Florida State, the next JoPa's squad.
7 Arkansas. We'll, I suppose the charging hog is kinda tough looking, though it looks more like it's flying to me (insert 'when pigs fly' joke here). And any shade of red is almost always a good color for a helmet. It's just that celebrating the fact that your mascot is, in reality, a piece of bacon or slice of bologna is where the problem lies. I neither love nor hate Arkansas' helmet. It's just kinda there. Hence it's position in the middle of my rankings.
6 LSU. Many people adore this helmet. Personally, it's never blown me away. The "L.S.U." looks like it was stenciled onto it's surface using a kit you buy at Hobby Lobby. I suppose that's part of it's charm. But it's the interesting purple color scheme that saves them here. That and the fact that Nick Saban finally showed the rest of the SEC (and country) just how good the Tigers can be when they convince instate kids to stay home and wear that helmet.
5 Ole Miss. I like this helmet. It's pleasant and quaint, somehow capturing images of old time south. But it's not intimidating ... just like a home game in Oxford. Too, this helmet looks much better when the Rebels trade in their red jerseys for their navy blue.
4 Kentucky. Here's where true separation begins. Yes, their football team is notoriously bad. But you can't go wrong with that "UK" logo surrounded in Kentucky blue. Kudos to the Cats - beautiful helmet.
3 Auburn. Though there's much confusion about whether the Tigers copied their color scheme from Virginia, Clemson, or Clemson copied Virginia's who copied Auburn's. It doesn't matter. The "AU" logo is all their own and it's one of the conference's best. They've stuck with it for the last forty years, which adds to it's appeal. More so, it's regal, tough in appearance, and not too busy. Put that on a white background, slap some stripes down the middle, then go undefeated every fifty years or so and you've got yourself a nice helmet.
2 Tennessee. I hate the Vols, Fulmer, and this particular shade of orange. But I must give credit where credit is due. The "T" is cool, as is Neyland Stadium, the checkerboard end zones, Rocky Top, the Volunteer Navy - it's all cool. And I'd love it if I lived somewhere in the Midwest ... and if UT's soul wasn't a slimy cesspool of lies, deception, greed, and arrogance.
1 Alabama. It seems so simple. Every player has a number on their jersey. Why not put the corresponding number on the helmet? Every football team should follow such logic, shouldn't they? Yet it's an old school concept that only Alabama employs and nobody else dares to touch. Compound such simplicity with the color crimson and you've got GOLD. Of course, Bama's football legacy has a lot to do with it's helmet's mystic. Call me a homer if you must but the Tide's headgear is the class of the SEC, rivaling any other helmet in the country.
12 Vanderbilt. Poor 'ol Vandy. You'd think the football gods would've at least given the 'Dores a cool helmet, given they field an abomination to mankind every fall. I rank Vanderbilt last mostly because they've never chosen a logo and stuck to it for any length of time. Of course, they ARE plagued with the letter "V," as if anything you do with "V" has any possibility of not looking stupid. It's like being named "Gertrude." You just can't win, man. Plus, Vandy yearns to somehow incorporate a star in their logo, though I've yet to figure out why. It's too bad because their color scheme rocks. Oh we'll, I suppose they can take solace in the fact that the majority of players from the rest of the SEC will be serving them french fries on their way to a ski trip some day.
11 Georgia. I checked first to make sure the Bulldogs stole Green Bay's logo. They did. The Packers introduced the "G" in 1961, Georgia in 1964. My inclination is to shame them for being so lazy that they couldn't even come up with their own logo. But then again, everything about Georgia is forgettable, which makes this helmet ideal for them.
10 Mississippi State. The Dogs would get a higher ranking from me if they hadn't traded the intertwined red-based 'MSU' for the white-based 'M State.' Though I like Sly Croom, he needs a cat scan for this decision.
9 Florida. This has only been Florida's logo since 1979. And if the word "Gators" across the helmet was a 100 year tradition, I'd be more inclined to support it. In general, cursive writing on a helmet is a no-no. Ole Miss gets a higher ranking than Florida because of a better, less annoying color scheme.
8 South Carolina. Props to USC for trying to come up with something cool. Some university art major really worked hard on this "bird in the middle of the 'C' thing" - valiant effort, but still lacking. Another problem the Gamecocks have is that they can't decide if their dominant color is black, red, or white. One year they look like Florida State, the next JoPa's squad.
7 Arkansas. We'll, I suppose the charging hog is kinda tough looking, though it looks more like it's flying to me (insert 'when pigs fly' joke here). And any shade of red is almost always a good color for a helmet. It's just that celebrating the fact that your mascot is, in reality, a piece of bacon or slice of bologna is where the problem lies. I neither love nor hate Arkansas' helmet. It's just kinda there. Hence it's position in the middle of my rankings.
6 LSU. Many people adore this helmet. Personally, it's never blown me away. The "L.S.U." looks like it was stenciled onto it's surface using a kit you buy at Hobby Lobby. I suppose that's part of it's charm. But it's the interesting purple color scheme that saves them here. That and the fact that Nick Saban finally showed the rest of the SEC (and country) just how good the Tigers can be when they convince instate kids to stay home and wear that helmet.
5 Ole Miss. I like this helmet. It's pleasant and quaint, somehow capturing images of old time south. But it's not intimidating ... just like a home game in Oxford. Too, this helmet looks much better when the Rebels trade in their red jerseys for their navy blue.
4 Kentucky. Here's where true separation begins. Yes, their football team is notoriously bad. But you can't go wrong with that "UK" logo surrounded in Kentucky blue. Kudos to the Cats - beautiful helmet.
3 Auburn. Though there's much confusion about whether the Tigers copied their color scheme from Virginia, Clemson, or Clemson copied Virginia's who copied Auburn's. It doesn't matter. The "AU" logo is all their own and it's one of the conference's best. They've stuck with it for the last forty years, which adds to it's appeal. More so, it's regal, tough in appearance, and not too busy. Put that on a white background, slap some stripes down the middle, then go undefeated every fifty years or so and you've got yourself a nice helmet.
2 Tennessee. I hate the Vols, Fulmer, and this particular shade of orange. But I must give credit where credit is due. The "T" is cool, as is Neyland Stadium, the checkerboard end zones, Rocky Top, the Volunteer Navy - it's all cool. And I'd love it if I lived somewhere in the Midwest ... and if UT's soul wasn't a slimy cesspool of lies, deception, greed, and arrogance.
1 Alabama. It seems so simple. Every player has a number on their jersey. Why not put the corresponding number on the helmet? Every football team should follow such logic, shouldn't they? Yet it's an old school concept that only Alabama employs and nobody else dares to touch. Compound such simplicity with the color crimson and you've got GOLD. Of course, Bama's football legacy has a lot to do with it's helmet's mystic. Call me a homer if you must but the Tide's headgear is the class of the SEC, rivaling any other helmet in the country.
