The Onion / Babylon Bee / great satire thread

dayhiker

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When I lived in Philly, one of my coworkers was a former fire chief for a neighborhood fire company. He was telling me about how the manual they used instructed the crew to immediately place a ladder against the burning structure. He never understood why the manual would require this action so he investigated why it existed. Turns out that this was the practice decades ago but now unnecessary. Turns out that back in the day, the fire company that was first to arrive at a fire would place their ladder against the burning building to claim the right to charge the owner for their services.
It's funny how we do things without knowing why. It's sort of like the story about how our current railroad track widths tie back to the width of a Roman war horse's rump.
 
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TIDE-HSV

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It's funny how we do things without knowing why. It's sort of like the story about how our current railroad track widths tie back to the width of a Roman war horse's rump.
Your post reminded me of all the narrow-gauge logging railroad tracks criscrossing the Smokys. I know you've seen a bunch. Most of those old railroads are now trails. One is the one leading up Big Creek valley in the east end of the park. All of them are lined with coal which was discarded or simply fell off. On one backpack, we got the bright idea of trying to use it for a warming fire, so we gathered up a pile. It was hard to get started. We had to start a wood fire under it. Once it got started, we regretted it and used creek water to drown it. It didn't go down easily. It put out the most noxious, smelly yellow smoke I'd ever smelled/seen in my life. Maybe that was the reason they'd thrown it away...
 
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dayhiker

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Your post reminded me of all the narrow-gauge logging railroad tracks criscrossing the Smokys. I know you've seen a bunch. Most of those old railroads are now trails. One is the one leading up Big Creek valley in the east end of the park. All of them are lined with coal which was discarded or simply fell off. On one backpack, we got the bright idea of trying to use it for a warming fire, so we gathered up a pile. It was hard to get started. We had to start a wood fire under it. Once it got started, we regretted it and used creek water to drown it. It didn't go down easily. It put out the most noxious, smelly yellow smoke I'd ever smelled/seen in my life. Maybe that was the reason they'd thrown it away...
It's amazing all of the stuff you find out there. I did a trip where we crossed Fontana, then along the lake, then up Eagle Creek towards the AT. We stayed at maybe the last site before you really start climbing. Someone had found an old logging saw blade and put it on a cut piece of a tree and had a table. It was odd especially considering that they likely had to cut down a dang tree to do it. Maybe they used downfall though. However it was done, it would have really been a pain. It seems like it was a fairly large diameter.
 
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92tide

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Your post reminded me of all the narrow-gauge logging railroad tracks criscrossing the Smokys. I know you've seen a bunch. Most of those old railroads are now trails. One is the one leading up Big Creek valley in the east end of the park. All of them are lined with coal which was discarded or simply fell off. On one backpack, we got the bright idea of trying to use it for a warming fire, so we gathered up a pile. It was hard to get started. We had to start a wood fire under it. Once it got started, we regretted it and used creek water to drown it. It didn't go down easily. It put out the most noxious, smelly yellow smoke I'd ever smelled/seen in my life. Maybe that was the reason they'd thrown it away...
i've run across a lot of old rail beds in the cohutta wilderness (n. ga.). i think they were more for timber than coal though.
 
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TIDE-HSV

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It's amazing all of the stuff you find out there. I did a trip where we crossed Fontana, then along the lake, then up Eagle Creek towards the AT. We stayed at maybe the last site before you really start climbing. Someone had found an old logging saw blade and put it on a cut piece of a tree and had a table. It was odd especially considering that they likely had to cut down a dang tree to do it. Maybe they used downfall though. However it was done, it would have really been a pain. It seems like it was a fairly large diameter.
Wow! I've gone on up from there on Eagle Creek. I think that's the Jenkins' Trail Ridge trail. If so, the steep part is short but the steepest in the park...
 

dayhiker

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i've run across a lot of old rail beds in the cohutta wilderness (n. ga.). i think they were more for timber than coal though.
We tried 2-3x to do a backpacking trip at Cohutta this winter and it just never worked out. The water was too high one weekend. Another we found out that the whole route we were doing had tons of downfall. We saw a photo that looked like pickup sticks. We opted for Quillan at SIpsey instead.
 
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dayhiker

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Wow! I've gone on up from there on Eagle Creek. I think that's the Jenkins' Trail Ridge trail. If so, the steep part is short but the steepest in the park...
I don't have a map with me, but it seems like we were going to do Eagle Creek, up to the AT, side trip to #13 at that bald above Cades Cove, back to AT, and back to Fontana. Some guys were severely delayed up the steep part. I waited on them while the others went ahead. I advised them to head over to Cades Cove for us to pick them up later and got their car keys. The bottom fell out making the trip to #13 pointless and we spend a miserable night at maybe the southernmost campsite on the AT. Maybe it's the only one without a shelter?

The other thing I remember is that we played Arkansas that weekend in football back in the Shula years. Something big happened in the game and we lost. Was that the 4th and 23 game maybe?
 
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TIDE-HSV

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We tried 2-3x to do a backpacking trip at Cohutta this winter and it just never worked out. The water was too high one weekend. Another we found out that the whole route we were doing had tons of downfall. We saw a photo that looked like pickup sticks. We opted for Quillan at SIpsey instead.
The Conasauga and the Jacks there have about a million fords. I've been rained out of there before also. I've covered most of the trails in the Smokys and finally go down to where Hyatt Ridge was the only one I lacked and they'd closed that trail. Liz had dislocated her shoulder, limiting her, so we traded our popup for a travel trailer and rented a space in a campground on the reservation. I was ideally positioned for Hyatt. I was certified for off-trail hiking and stopped to check in with the Cherokee ranger. He had been up there fairly recently and talked me out of it. There had been a major storm and he used the term "pickup sticks." :)
 
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92tide

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We tried 2-3x to do a backpacking trip at Cohutta this winter and it just never worked out. The water was too high one weekend. Another we found out that the whole route we were doing had tons of downfall. We saw a photo that looked like pickup sticks. We opted for Quillan at SIpsey instead.
there are a lot of river crossings up there. and in the winter, those can get quite special. even at low water, several of them are at least knee high.

the jack's river trail has something like 24-25 crossings. i ran that route once. my favorite running route was to start at tearbritches trail head and do an out and back up panther creek falls to the three forks trail and back. tons of climbing packed into 16-18 miles. there are two crossings of the conasauga river and several water crossings on panther creek as you head up to the falls. the "trail" up to the falls is basically a large boulder field with a few trail blazes painted on the boulders.

one of our long runs was going from holly creek (shatsworth) to the ocoee in a day. approx 38 miles, but only 3 climbs. problem was each climb was 3k+ and the last one was big frog. the descents were almost as hard as the climbs. our first section out of holly creek was up the emery creek trail which was 5-6 miles of downfall. unfortunately, a lot of the trail blazes were on the downed trees.
 

TIDE-HSV

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I don't have a map with me, but it seems like we were going to do Eagle Creek, up to the AT, side trip to #13 at that bald above Cades Cove, back to AT, and back to Fontana. Some guys were severely delayed up the steep part. I waited on them while the others went ahead. I advised them to head over to Cades Cove for us to pick them up later and got their car keys. The bottom fell out making the trip to #13 pointless and we spend a miserable night at maybe the southernmost campsite on the AT. Maybe it's the only one without a shelter?

The other thing I remember is that we played Arkansas that weekend in football back in the Shula years. Something big happened in the game and we lost. Was that the 4th and 23 game maybe?
I looked at the map and I see where you planned. In our case, we took Eagle trail up to the Pinnacle Creek trail and then took Jenkins north to Blockhouse mountain, over that to Spence Field. You were going to Sheep Pen Gap, where the damned bear stole my wife's pack... :)

My raised topo of the park, trails covered in red...

Smokys hike map.jpg
 

dayhiker

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I found a pdf map. We did Fontana to Lakeshore to Eagle Creek, hit the AT at Spence, west on the AT, were going to Gregory Bald and back, but skipped it, and must have spent the last night at 113.

I guess it would have been campsites 97, 13, and 113, but must have cut it short.

That's impressive with all of those Smokies trails. The last several years I've mainly been doing bushwacking at Sipsey. It's time for me to get back to doing real backpacking trips.
 
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TIDE-HSV

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I found a pdf map. We did Fontana to Lakeshore to Eagle Creek, hit the AT at Spence, west on the AT, were going to Gregory Bald and back, but skipped it, and must have spent the last night at 113.

I guess it would have been campsites 97, 13, and 113, but must have cut it short.

That's impressive with all of those Smokies trails. The last several years I've mainly been doing bushwacking at Sipsey. It's time for me to get back to doing real backpacking trips.
That's a nice loop. There are two ways up to Spence, Eagle Creek and Pinnacle to Jenkins...
 

TIDE-HSV

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there are a lot of river crossings up there. and in the winter, those can get quite special. even at low water, several of them are at least knee high.

the jack's river trail has something like 24-25 crossings. i ran that route once. my favorite running route was to start at tearbritches trail head and do an out and back up panther creek falls to the three forks trail and back. tons of climbing packed into 16-18 miles. there are two crossings of the conasauga river and several water crossings on panther creek as you head up to the falls. the "trail" up to the falls is basically a large boulder field with a few trail blazes painted on the boulders.

one of our long runs was going from holly creek (shatsworth) to the ocoee in a day. approx 38 miles, but only 3 climbs. problem was each climb was 3k+ and the last one was big frog. the descents were almost as hard as the climbs. our first section out of holly creek was up the emery creek trail which was 5-6 miles of downfall. unfortunately, a lot of the trail blazes were on the downed trees.
At 4200', Big Frog is the highest altitude until the plains rise above that west of the Mississippi...
 
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92tide

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I found a pdf map. We did Fontana to Lakeshore to Eagle Creek, hit the AT at Spence, west on the AT, were going to Gregory Bald and back, but skipped it, and must have spent the last night at 113.

I guess it would have been campsites 97, 13, and 113, but must have cut it short.

That's impressive with all of those Smokies trails. The last several years I've mainly been doing bushwacking at Sipsey. It's time for me to get back to doing real backpacking trips.
i assume there are still copperheads everywhere around the sipsey. the last time i went out there i had climbed up and through the eye of the needle (i think that's what it's called) and as i was working my way back down to the trail i saw copperheads everywhere i looked. it was almost like being in a night mare.
 

dayhiker

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i assume there are still copperheads everywhere around the sipsey. the last time i went out there i had climbed up and through the eye of the needle (i think that's what it's called) and as i was working my way back down to the trail i saw copperheads everywhere i looked. it was almost like being in a night mare.
I rarely go once the leaves come back, but yes, there are tons of them based on what I see posted on FB and IG.
 
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NationalTitles18

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I try to be careful with heavy subject matter, but this is too funny.


Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. “This is it. I’ve taken four puffs to make sure there’s no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, I’m sorry I’ve failed you so.” At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling.
 

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