Question for parents with girls. What is your stance on dress and modesty?

[Bamabuzzard]

Mrs. Buzz and I have two sons and a daughter. The daughter is only 6 but here recently we were involved in a conversation with some parents in our social group with older daughters in their teens. We were out in the culdesac one Saturday evening as one of the teenage daughters of our friends was waiting on her ride to come pick her up. When her ride drove up she came out and a couple of the girls in the car got out.

As the girls got in the car and drove off her mom said "My parents would have never let me dress like these kids today dress." What she was referring to was the manner in which her daughter and the others were dressed. My wife and I wouldn't dare say anything to them, because to each his own when comes to what you allow your kids to wear. But for 16-18 year olds that still live at home under their parents supervision I would think their parents would have a say-so in what they walked out of the house in. It's almost like it's become accepted for girls (not women) to dress in a sensual and revealing manner. My wife and I see it everywhere and it scares us to death what its going to be like when our 6 yr old gets to that age. Are we going to be fighting a hopeless battle? My wife's niece is a HS teenager and the things she wears is just crazy. But the fact that her mother (my wife's aunt) allows her to wear these things is even more mindnumbing.

For those with girls, what has been y'alls stance and methods on raising them with regards to dress and modesty? Or is this even considered an issue anymore?

 

[uafan4life]

I don't have any girls, but I'm interested to see the responses.

I will say this though. I've seen several hookers "on duty", and they were dressed more modestly than a lot of middle-school girls I've seen lately.

 

[bamahippie]

Having gone through a horrible situation where girl members of my family were molested, I have a very strong opinion on this. Y'all might not care for it, but hear me out. Some people have REAL problems, and are mentally ill, and need to be locked up. Then you have the rest of us. But after having had to help young people pick up the pieces, I saw this through new lenses.

I have a 3-year old girl. I am not going to allow my child to allow herself to be bait for folks with problems, or otherwise. Like I said, some people have problems, but then there are young guys with hormones through the roof, that do not need any help being attracted to a young lady that is not leaving much to the imagination. For my daughter, when that time comes, no cleavage, not TOO much leg, not CRAZY with the make-up. We are going to train her to have character, carry herself with dignity, know that she already IS somebody, and doesn't have to prove it to some boy. That is how she will be trained. If she screws up from there...we'll cross that bridge then, but we can't say we didn't try. But folks that let their daughters going around dressing like street walkers (even at church!).... Well, it's not right, it's not fair to anyone involved. How many guys have been caught checking out someone girl, and snapping to, realizing, "Whoa, she's way too young". It's ridiculous, and it should be embarrassing to parents/guardians. But some of us let our kids look up to the half-naked teen stars on TV, want to dress and act that way, buy the clothes that they "just have to have", not watch the company they keep, and wonder why some of them get knocked up before their senior year of high school. Not painting a broad brush here, but this stuff happens all the time. Has definitely happened in my extended family, and it was mostly from parents with really long leashes, or no leashes at all. Kids need the right kind of attention and direction, from Moms AND Dads. They need role models that can show them how beautiful they are without having to "show out". This is a deeper issue than just a surface issue. Believe me, I know, unfortunately.

 

[happytidefan]

Yes, it's an issue. I made my 13 year old granddaughter change clothes just recently. Seems she was sneaking to wear "borrowed clothes" at mamaw's house she wouldn't dare wear in front of her dad. i.e., spaghetti straps with her bra straps showing and daisy duke shorts). Mamaw stopped her cold in her tracks (and made her return the clothing and tell dad about it) but she lived to learn from the experience. They can be sneaky little dolls sometimes!

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, it's an issue. I made my 13 year old granddaughter change clothes just recently. Seems she was sneaking to wear "borrowed clothes" at mamaw's house she wouldn't dare wear in front of her dad. i.e., spaghetti straps with her bra straps showing and daisy duke shorts). Mamaw stopped her cold in her tracks (and made her return the clothing and tell dad about it) but she lived to learn from the experience. They can be sneaky little dolls sometimes!

Yesterday my 9 y.o. wore a top with a spaghetti strap, but she had a tank top on underneath. It wasn't hoochie mama at all and looked nice. At school, she took off the tank and just had the spaghetti straps. She forgot to put the tank back on at the end of school. Busted. We're friends with the principal of the school. We reminded her of that fact that, it won't happen again because her teachers adn the principal will tell us. The look on her face was priceless. That it takes a village thing is true.

 

[rizolltizide]

I let mine run around the backyard nekkid half the time.

 

[bamanut_aj]

It's not an issue yet, as they're only 8 mos and 2 1/2 yrs. But it will be an issue in the future.....I will make sure of it.

 

[crimsonaudio]

Girls will sneak off with clothes to change into or simply wear their friends clothes after they leave your house - the issue isn't what you allow them to wear, but the values you instill in them in the first place.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Girls will sneak off with clothes to change into or simply wear their friends clothes after they leave your house - the issue isn't what you allow them to wear, but the values you instill in them in the first place.

And that's what I'm hoping wins out. I had to sit in as a "witness" to a behind closed door meeting with a youth leader, three youth and their parents. Going by what was said in the meeting these three girls had been advised to "tone down" their attire on numerous occassions when attending youth events. The youth leader at the time didn't feel the need to go tell the parents. He felt like him bringing it to their attention would be sufficient enough for it to change. Obviously not, the behavior continued even after repeated warnings by the youth leader so he got the parents involved. In the meeting the leader began explaining the situation to the parents and how he'd asked the girls to tone down their attire that it was too revealing and sensual. He went on and gave examples to the parents of the type of clothing they'd worn that was causing the issue with him. Now if what he was saying was true he was right. However, the shocking thing was what came next.

All three of the mothers defended their girls and said they saw nothing wrong with what he described and they knew the attire he was referring to. That it wasn't like they were walking around naked or "anything hanging out." They said the attire he was describing was common dress now a days and their daughters shouldn't have to dress a certain way because some "horny", "sex crazed" teenage boy couldn't control himself.

The dad's (all three I might add) took a neutral position because they said that "department" was between their mothers and them. They knew nothing about girls clothes, styles and all of that so they stayed out of it. (What a cop-out :rolleye2

But in that scenario it appeared to me that the mothers condoned the dress so the girls dressed accordingly. They saw nothing wrong with because their parents didn't. Another "revealing" (pun intended :biggrin2 thing in the meeting was the attire of the three mothers. That alone told me how the meeting was going to go...

 

[bamahippie]

Well, the last 2 guys kind of hearkened to what I said. Parenting or some type of leadership, direction, and discipline of need be, from a guardian.

 

[AlistarWills]

Girls will sneak off with clothes to change into or simply wear their friends clothes after they leave your house - the issue isn't what you allow them to wear, but the values you instill in them in the first place.

You sir, have driven the nail home in one swift stroke of the hammer!

 

[dayhiker]

The dad's (all three I might add) took a neutral position because they said that "department" was between their mothers and them. They knew nothing about girls clothes, styles and all of that so they stayed out of it. (What a cop-out :rolleye2

But in that scenario it appeared to me that the mothers condoned the dress so the girls dressed accordingly. They saw nothing wrong with because their parents didn't. Another "revealing" (pun intended :biggrin2 thing in the meeting was the attire of the three mothers. That alone told me how the meeting was going to go...

These dads are going to be surprised when they learn that sweet little Jane has HPV or herpes and wonder where it all went wrong.

 

[dayhiker]

Girls will sneak off with clothes to change into or simply wear their friends clothes after they leave your house - the issue isn't what you allow them to wear, but the values you instill in them in the first place.

Agreed, which is why we're working hard to nip this in the bud now. Come down hard at 9 is a lot easier to do than when they're 16.

 

[jthomas666]

My wife and I have ultimate veto power on dress, and we're pretty up front about what is and isn't acceptable, and why.

And fyi, bb, once your daughter hits 8-9, it becomes a lot harder to find girls' clothes that aren't trashy.

The Children's Place is your friend.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

My wife and I have ultimate veto power on dress, and we're pretty up front about what is and isn't acceptable, and why.

And fyi, bb, once your daughter hits 8-9, it becomes a lot harder to find girls' clothes that aren't trashy.

The Children's Place is your friend.

That's what I figured. That's sad. But I guess its the world we live in today.

 

[happytidefan]

Agreed, which is why we're working hard to nip this in the bud now. Come down hard at 9 is a lot easier to do than when they're 16.

Absolutely. I agree wholeheartedly. As pre-teens and teens, despite the values we as parents try to instill in them, in my opinion based on the school of hard knocks, they have an age appropriate tendency to want to push the limits...to rebel, even. This incident at 13 was the first (and only time, we believe) that this has happened with our granddaughter and we were able to nip it in the bud WE HOPE.

 

[cbi1972]

YouTube - The Runaways - Cherry Bomb

Unruly daughters are a timeless classic.

 

[SavannahDare]

So far, we don't have this issue. We have a 9 1/2 year old Tomboy whom I can't even convince to wear shorts unless they're part of a sports uniform and an 11 year old that is just entering puberty and dies of embarrassment if someone can see her bra straps.

All that aside, however, our girls know that our word is law. We will negotiate on many issues, but their appearance, cleanliness and reputation are non-negotiable.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

So far, we don't have this issue. We have a 9 1/2 year old Tomboy whom I can't even convince to wear shorts unless they're part of a sports uniform and an 11 year old that is just entering puberty and dies of embarrassment if someone can see her bra straps.

All that aside, however, our girls know that our word is law. We will negotiate on many issues, but their appearance, cleanliness and reputation are non-negotiable.

Staci,

How much of this do you think is being "encouraged" by the parents? And when I say "encouraged" I don't mean them literally standing there yelling like cheerleaders "Come on you can do it put a little skimpy to it!!!" But rather not putting an importance on how their daughter dresses and unless something is literally "hanging out" they for the most part deem it acceptable. Also, It would also seem the adage of "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" would apply as well. As I mentioned the dress of the mothers of the three girls told me all I needed to know. "Monkey see, Monkey do."

***Riz is about to have a field day with that last one. :biggrin2:

 

[CrimsonNagus]

I have 2 daughters, one 3 and the other 1, and I fear the day I have to deal with this kind of stuff. Thankfully, my wife doesn't dress like to bad. She likes to show some cleavage but, who can blame her, she has a great rack! :wink: She's not a fan of short shorts or tight, tight jeans, which will hopefully help influence our daughters.

I'm a guy and I don't mind glancing at sensually dressed women but, when I catch myself glancing at a teen, it freaks me out. I just don't remember the girls when I was in high school looking so "grown up." Maybe it is just perspective but, girls seem to age beyond their years too quick these days.

I look forward to, yet dread at the same time, the teens years for my daughters.

How much of this do you think is being "encouraged" by the parents?

I think there is a problem with a good many mothers these days trying to relive their youth through their daughters which causes them to not see the obvious. Just look at those TV shows about beauty pageants for young girls and how "invested" those mothers get. It's sickening.