Joke thread - including cartoons, memes, and misc - Part IX

[Elefantman]

Bathtub and some acid should do it.

I was leaning towards a backhoe and lye.

 

[Rocky Mtn Bob]

Last time that I went, it cost me almost $30 and it was just me. little burger, little cajun fries, and a milkshake. It wasn't even that good.

5 Guys is one of the most over-rated eateries I've experienced. Tip-top prices for ordinary food.

 

[crimsonaudio]

 

[Rocky Mtn Bob]

 

[Elefantman]

View attachment 54872

Those guys have it easy. When I made that trip to school, it was always in an active blizzard and there was a pack of polar bears chasing me.

 

[crimsonaudio]

 

[Bazza]

The IRS suspected that a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate.

The agent boarded the boat and said, “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

The boat owner replied, “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand. He’s been with me for three years. I pay him $1,000 a week, plus free room and board.

“Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about eighteen hours a day and does roughly ninety percent of the work around here. He makes about $30 a week, pays his own room and board, and every Saturday night I buy him a bottle of Bacardi and a dozen Budweisers so he can cope with life. He even gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”

The IRS agent frowned and said, “That’s the guy I want to talk to—the mentally challenged one.”

The boat owner nodded and said, “That would be me. What would you like to know?”

 

[rolltide_21]

Whoops! Didn’t see the acronym in the post. My apologies.

 

[Bamaro]

 

[CB4]

 

[crimsonaudio]

 

[Elefantman]

View attachment 55431

The tragic thing is, we still don't have sharks with lasers on their heads readily available.

 

[OakMtn4Bama]

 

[oskie]

The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come down front by the altar." With that, John got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “John, what do you want me to pray for you about?"

John replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for John, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know ... It ain't 'til next week.​

 

[Huckleberry]

 

[crimsonaudio]

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

After repeating this 3-beers routine for a week, the bartender asks him why the 3 beers.

The man explained "I have two brothers and when we left home, we promised we'd drink 3 beers to remember the days when we drank together."

This continues for another month.

Then one day, he comes in and orders two beers.

After a week of the 2-beer ritual, the bartender quietly comes to his table and in a low voice says "I want to offer my condolences on the loss of your brother."

The fellow looks confused for a moment and then laughs and says: "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I've given up beer for Lent."

 

[CrimsonJazz]

 

[Bamaro]

 

[Bamaro]

 

[crimsonaudio]