Funniest Auburn/Tenn. or whoever football jokes

[rolltideas]

I need some laughs.

Anybody have some good jokes about these two or other programs?

I liked the one on the recruiting thread...

Why can't you find 29 prostitutes and the Univ. of Tenn.?

Because they are all volunteers.

 

[dathbama]

Joke

:biggrin:
Do you know what happens when an Auburn student fails to pay his garbage bill?

Ans: He does not get anymore!

Roll Tide

 

[BAMMAR]

Whats the difference between Awburnt and Clemson?
Clemson has a lake.

 

[bayoutider]

Two Bama students rented a farmers outhouse to live in one summer. The next day the farmer noticed a TV antenna had been put up. The day after that the farmer looks out back and sees two TV antennas at the outhouse. He asks his wife, why those Bama students need 2 TV antenna? The wife says, because they sub-let the basement to two Auburn students.

 

[bamaslaw]

Why are there no prostitutes at Tennessee?

They're all volunteers.

 

[TRU]

A Bama student is surfing the net looking for a place to spend spring break. He hits a site that offers a round trip to Cancun for just $25.00. He pays the $25 and gets a printout confirmation that instructs him to report to a charter hanger at the Pensacola airport. He shows up at the counter on the appointed day. The attendent looks at his confirmation as says "Oh, you have the $25 special trip. Please go down the hall, and take the first door on the right". He complies, and as he walks through the door, someone hits him in the back of the head, knocking him out. When he comes to, he's sitting in the back of a rowboat in the middle of the Atlantic. There is a guy in an Auburn tee shirt up front rowing away. He picks up the other oar and begins to row. He says to the guy in the Auburn shirt "This really sucks. I hope that they at least give us a flight back home at the end of the week". The Auburn guy replies "They didn't last year".

 

[TIDEVET]

What does a tenerseeee girl tell her boyfriend?


Get off me daddy, you sqishen my copenhagen :biggrin2:

 

[CrimsonTideCorndog26]

One day, God was creating the world when Micheal the Angel came to see what he was doing. Micheal asked, "Hey God, what's that you're creating?"

God said, "That's Earth, it will consist of an equal balance. For every good, there will also be bad."

"I see" said Micheal, "but what's that beautiful place there, to the South?" God said happily, "That's Tuscaloosa, they will have one of the greatest football traditions in the land, and they will win many National Championships. They will be loyal, kind, generous fans, and travel the world doing good things for people. They will be my quintessential creation to college football."

"But what about the balance?!" Micheal asked. God then replied, "Wait 'til you see the morons I put down there in Auburn."

 

[Reddog]

A co-ed from ucheat was out of vacation days and wanted some time off so she decided if she were to act like she was crazy the boss would give her the time off. She was hanging upside down from a light fixture when a blond gal from the barn came in and said "what are you doing"? She told her about her idea and soon the boss came in and asked just what she was doing up there. She replied "I'm a light bulb". The boss said you need some time off. Come down from there and go home for a few days. A little later the boss saw her leaving and the blond from the barn was right behind her. He said to the barner, "whoa young lady, just where do you think you're going"? She replied " I going home. I can't work in the dark".

 

[KayBee]

during an uncharacterictically close Iron Bowl Shug Jordan pleaded with God that Auburn could finally beat 'Bama if he could just get one big play and wanted God to tell him the right play to call....

God said to call a timeout and give him time to think about the call so Jordan called timeout and waited for God's advice....

God spoke to him and said "tell Bo to run to the right" so he sent in the play and Bo ran to the right and was met head on by 6 'Bama defenders....

Jordan asked God, "God, why did you tell me to have Bo run to the right?"

God said hold on a second...."Bear, why did we have Bo run to the right?"

 

[RyTide]

An Alabama trooper pulled over an elderly couple with Tennessee tags and a bright orange T on their windshield. The trooper walked up to the driver and asked for his license and registration. His wife, who was in the passenger seat and was hard of hearing, yelled to her husband, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The old man replied, "He wants to see our license and registration." After glancing at the documents, the trooper said, "You folks from Tennessee?" Again the old lady shouted at her husband, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" Irritated, the driver told her, "He wants to know if we're from Tennessee." As he was filling out the citation, the trooper remarked, "The nastiest wench I ever dated was from Tennessee." Once again, the old lady shouted at her husband, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The old man replied, "He thinks he knows you."

 

[RyTide]

Did you hear they're replacing the turf at Neyland stadium with cardboard? They decided the Vols always play better on paper.

 

[AtlantaAllen]

Two fellows having a beer at the bar during football season. One wearing an Auburn ball cap, the other wearing a UT ball cap.

Tennessee fellow asks "What does the word 'Auburn' stand for?"

Other fellow answers, "Alabama usually beats us red necks!"

Same fellow ask the other, "What does UT stand for?"

Tennessee fellow answers, "Us Too!"


*****************************************
My favorite joke from a Tennessee lurker

Allen

 

[skrayper77]

during an uncharacterictically close Iron Bowl Shug Jordan pleaded with God that Auburn could finally beat 'Bama if he could just get one big play and wanted God to tell him the right play to call....

God said to call a timeout and give him time to think about the call so Jordan called timeout and waited for God's advice....

God spoke to him and said "tell Bo to run to the right" so he sent in the play and Bo ran to the right and was met head on by 6 'Bama defenders....

Jordan asked God, "God, why did you tell me to have Bo run to the right?"

God said hold on a second...."Bear, why did we have Bo run to the right?"

Shug Jordan was long gone from Auburn before Bryant passed away. The joke used to be told for Pat Dye.

 

[BamaFan in Germantown]

Awoman who was allbarn fan was married to a BAMA fan. On their anniversity. decided to give her husband a big surprise. She goes to the tatoo parlor and tell's the artist, " I want a picture of Tommy Tubs on my left butt check and a picture of Mike Shula on my right check." The guy does his and she goes back home.

Later that evening the woman drops her pants, bends over and asks her husband what he thinks of the pictures, " I'm think that's Tubs on the left and I think that it's Shula on the right, But I KNOW it's Phill Fulmer in the middle."

 

[coachts1]

These two BAMA boys were headed to Auburn for the Iron bowl. They were running behind so they were in a big hurry to make the kick off. As they get closer to allbarn a cop sees their vehicle and knows they are BAMA boys, so he pulls them over. The BAMA boys realize their predicament and tell the officer they know they were speeding, would he just hurry and write the ticket so they wouldn't miss the kick off. As the officer begins writing the ticket, he tells the boys to wait, he has to check on something. He goes back to his car and radios headquarters "Sarge, I just pulled over two BAMA boys and I'm writin a ticket; on this ticket it says place of offense - Sarge, how you spell Andalusia?" The radio is silent, then the sarge comes back on and says, "Tell you what, just get back in your squad car and chase them down to Opp!"