YUGE NEWS! Zondervan has unveiled the Donald Trump Version of the Bible, finally giving freedom-loving Americans the chance to hear God's Word in the most beautiful, tremendous way ever!
babylonbee.com
John 11:35 - "Jesus Wept. Which I have never done, by the way. Never wept. Not a weeper."
Nehemiah 6:15-16 - "So the wall, the big, beautiful wall was finished on the 25th day of the month, finished in just 52 days. Everyone said I couldn't do it, but I did. Our enemies were shocked, believe me. And the Babylonians paid for it."
Leviticus 19:27 - "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head, but rather let it grow long and golden, and swirl it across the top."
John 14:2-6: "In My Father's house are many rooms, just like Mar-a-Lago, rooms worth a lot more than $18 million, let me tell you that."
Mark 1:15 - "The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news. Not the fake news like CNN. They're terrible, folks."
Daniel 3:1 - "King Nebuchadnezzar made a golden idol. It was so small. Only sixty cubits high. That's what they said. So much smaller than my towers. Sad!"
Romans 12:19 - "Vengeance is mine on my first day back in office, saith Donald Trump."
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, unbelievable plans to bless you bigly. Yuge blessings. So tremendous. You'll get tired of blessings, believe me."
Genesis 3:1 - "Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field. So clever, folks. 'Lyin' Lucifer,' I like to call him."
Two Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. So much winning. Everyone says so."
This one gave me the giggles.. BB has outdone themselves.