Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
have fun with it. I meant Obama in the 3rd joke and messed it up!
Post an SEC or CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
- Thread starter FightinGator
- Start date
A little boy & his mother we walking through a cemetery on their way home from the store. As they were crossing the cemetery the little boy would read the inscription on the headstones. Most were usually "loving father and beloved husband",
"beloved Mother and friend" etc. As they came upon a head stone with an Auburn war eagle on the top, the little boy read the inscription to his mother ..... "here lies The greatest Auburn fan and an Honest man".
The little boy got a funny look on his face, looked at his mother and asked her " Momma why are there TWO men buried in that grave?"!!!!!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
ROLL TIDE!!
"beloved Mother and friend" etc. As they came upon a head stone with an Auburn war eagle on the top, the little boy read the inscription to his mother ..... "here lies The greatest Auburn fan and an Honest man".
The little boy got a funny look on his face, looked at his mother and asked her " Momma why are there TWO men buried in that grave?"!!!!!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
ROLL TIDE!!
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
You can't wait to play Florida Atlantic? And you're nervous about it?
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
Q. What's the difference between Jordan-Hare stadium and a porcupine?
A. A porcupine has 80,000 pr@cks on the outside.
hahahaha
Q. What's the difference between Jordan-Hare stadium and a porcupine?
A. A porcupine has 80,000 pr@cks on the outside.
hahahaha
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Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
Two barn football players were doing drugs. The first one was snorting coke and almost drowned. The other one was trying to smoke hash, but finally gave up when he couldn't get the corned beef lit.
A Bama was driving his car when he stopped and asked his passenger, a barn fan, to get out and see if his blinkers were working. He got out and looked and said, "now they are, now they ain't, now they are.........."
Two barn football players were doing drugs. The first one was snorting coke and almost drowned. The other one was trying to smoke hash, but finally gave up when he couldn't get the corned beef lit.
A Bama was driving his car when he stopped and asked his passenger, a barn fan, to get out and see if his blinkers were working. He got out and looked and said, "now they are, now they ain't, now they are.........."
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
What is the most common wine (whine) in TN?
When are we going to beat Alabama?
What is the most common wine (whine) in TN?
When are we going to beat Alabama?
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
this woman was in a bar having a drink with some of her friends and after a few drinks she gets up and heads toward the bathroom. suddenly this drunk barner staggers up and says " what school do you go to" she replies "yale". he replies "WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO".
this woman was in a bar having a drink with some of her friends and after a few drinks she gets up and heads toward the bathroom. suddenly this drunk barner staggers up and says " what school do you go to" she replies "yale". he replies "WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO".
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
I guess you heard about the Barner that locked his keys in his car? It took him 20 minutes to get his family out.
When Shug Jordan passed away, God met him at the pearly gates to welcome him to heaven. God showed Shug around a bit, and then took Shug to his new home. Shug was taken aback to see his new home was a run down old shack deep in the woods with a few *U banners and flags hanging on it. Looking across heaven on top of a beautiful hill was the largest and most grand mansion Shug could ever imagine. Draped on the walls of the heavenly mansion were several Bama banners and flags. Shug commented, "God, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but why do I get this old shack and Bear gets that grand mansion on the hill?" God replied, "That's not Bear's house. That's my place."
I guess you heard about the Barner that locked his keys in his car? It took him 20 minutes to get his family out.
When Shug Jordan passed away, God met him at the pearly gates to welcome him to heaven. God showed Shug around a bit, and then took Shug to his new home. Shug was taken aback to see his new home was a run down old shack deep in the woods with a few *U banners and flags hanging on it. Looking across heaven on top of a beautiful hill was the largest and most grand mansion Shug could ever imagine. Draped on the walls of the heavenly mansion were several Bama banners and flags. Shug commented, "God, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but why do I get this old shack and Bear gets that grand mansion on the hill?" God replied, "That's not Bear's house. That's my place."
Does anybody know why AU is looking forward to Christmas so much this year? It means somebody other than NCAA investigators are coming to campus....
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
These are all GREAT! RTR
These are all GREAT! RTR
Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
Shug Jordan died and was being shown around Heaven. St. Peter said, "Here's where you will live for eternity",
and pointed to a small, run-down looking trailer off the side of a gravel road.
Shug said, "Wait a minute! Why do I just get this crummy little trailer when Bear Bryant gets THAT?", and pointed
to this beautiful crimson mansion up on top of a hill, with Bama flags all over the place and "Roll Tide" written
in pure gold in the driveway.
St. Peter said, 'Oh, that's not Bear's. That's where God lives."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He
inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while
Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one
will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass
"What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Tuscaloosa, the most glorious place on Earth. The
people from Tuscaloosa are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and
they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as
diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a super-human,
undefeatable football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across
them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth goofy rednecks I'm
putting next to them in Auburn."
Shug Jordan died and was being shown around Heaven. St. Peter said, "Here's where you will live for eternity",
and pointed to a small, run-down looking trailer off the side of a gravel road.
Shug said, "Wait a minute! Why do I just get this crummy little trailer when Bear Bryant gets THAT?", and pointed
to this beautiful crimson mansion up on top of a hill, with Bama flags all over the place and "Roll Tide" written
in pure gold in the driveway.
St. Peter said, 'Oh, that's not Bear's. That's where God lives."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He
inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while
Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one
will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass
"What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Tuscaloosa, the most glorious place on Earth. The
people from Tuscaloosa are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and
they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as
diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a super-human,
undefeatable football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across
them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth goofy rednecks I'm
putting next to them in Auburn."
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Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean
An NCAA investigation has learned that the MSU Bulldogs have had a drug problem for years. They get drug up & down the field every Saturday.
An internal Vanderbilt office memo suggests changing their name from the Commodores to something more accurate. The university President proposes they be called the Possums because they play dead at home & get killed on the road.
They cannot do the Nativity scene at Ole Miss. Not because of the ACLU but because the can't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
New recruit at Auburn. Cheese-nip asks him his height. "Five feet 12." And weight? "195, coach." So Gene asks him his name & he does a brief dance. Chizik says, "Son I understand height & weight but why the dance?" Recruit says, "Well sometimes I forget so I just sing:"Happy birhday to you...."
Florida-Georgia: the annual celebration of the repeal of Prohibition.
Nebraska player interviewed by Suzie Kolber. "Whats the N on your helmet stand for?" "Knowledge."
An Auburn player named Cam accidentally wanders into English class one day. The special ed English prof is reviewing the final. She says,"What always follows a sentence?" Without raising his hand Cam pipes up, "The appeal."
An NCAA investigation has learned that the MSU Bulldogs have had a drug problem for years. They get drug up & down the field every Saturday.
An internal Vanderbilt office memo suggests changing their name from the Commodores to something more accurate. The university President proposes they be called the Possums because they play dead at home & get killed on the road.
They cannot do the Nativity scene at Ole Miss. Not because of the ACLU but because the can't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
New recruit at Auburn. Cheese-nip asks him his height. "Five feet 12." And weight? "195, coach." So Gene asks him his name & he does a brief dance. Chizik says, "Son I understand height & weight but why the dance?" Recruit says, "Well sometimes I forget so I just sing:"Happy birhday to you...."
Florida-Georgia: the annual celebration of the repeal of Prohibition.
Nebraska player interviewed by Suzie Kolber. "Whats the N on your helmet stand for?" "Knowledge."
An Auburn player named Cam accidentally wanders into English class one day. The special ed English prof is reviewing the final. She says,"What always follows a sentence?" Without raising his hand Cam pipes up, "The appeal."
What do you call 32 Tennessee cheerleaders on the sideline?
A full set of teeth.
From 1984: "Can you give me directions to the Liberty Bowl in Memphis?"
"I sure can. Go to the one-yard line at Legion Field and take a right."
Why did Bo Jackson's parents name him Bo? Because they couldn't spell Bob.
Christopher Columbus was the greatest Auburn graduate ever. You didn't know he went to Auburn? Well, he didn't know where he was going, didn't know where he'd been, didn't know how he made the trip - and did it all on someone else's dime.
How many rednecks does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the light, one to write a country song, and two to have a fist fight in the parking lot.
A shoe store burned down in Clemson last night. Not a sole was saved.
True story: in 1982, Clemson was hit with a probation that included a 2-year TV ban. Asked by a reporter about it the rotund William "Refrigerator" Perry said, "The toughest thing is we can't watch TV for two years.". (I'm serious - that did happen).
A full set of teeth.
From 1984: "Can you give me directions to the Liberty Bowl in Memphis?"
"I sure can. Go to the one-yard line at Legion Field and take a right."
Why did Bo Jackson's parents name him Bo? Because they couldn't spell Bob.
Christopher Columbus was the greatest Auburn graduate ever. You didn't know he went to Auburn? Well, he didn't know where he was going, didn't know where he'd been, didn't know how he made the trip - and did it all on someone else's dime.
How many rednecks does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the light, one to write a country song, and two to have a fist fight in the parking lot.
A shoe store burned down in Clemson last night. Not a sole was saved.
True story: in 1982, Clemson was hit with a probation that included a 2-year TV ban. Asked by a reporter about it the rotund William "Refrigerator" Perry said, "The toughest thing is we can't watch TV for two years.". (I'm serious - that did happen).
Did you hear about the Auburn athlete that won a Gold Medal at the Olympic game?
He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed!
Why was the Auburn football team late for last year's game? Because everytime they passed a sign for 'Clean Restrooms,' they did.
Why did they cancel the Christmas play on the Awbun campus last year?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed!
Why was the Auburn football team late for last year's game? Because everytime they passed a sign for 'Clean Restrooms,' they did.
Why did they cancel the Christmas play on the Awbun campus last year?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
perhttp://eitsfan.com/bama/jokes.html eitsfan.com: "A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Auburn joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm an Auburn fan.
See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's an Auburn fan, too.
And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's an Auburn fan, too!
Now, do you still want to tell your Auburn joke?"
The guy says, "Nah." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?"
The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's an Auburn fan, too.
And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's an Auburn fan, too!
Now, do you still want to tell your Auburn joke?"
The guy says, "Nah." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?"
The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
What color would a Boise State player turn if you choked him?
When the cheerleaders run on the field at Samford Stadium the opponents refer to their ugliness by chanting, "How 'bout THEM Dawgs!"
True story: in 1977, the bachelor Prince Charles attended an SEC game at UGA. An inventive fraternity unveiled a banner that said, "The Prince Does It Dawg Style."
What's the difference between (insert injury prone player name here) and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
I do often wonder who in his right mind carries a pen into a bathroom if you know what I mean.
When the cheerleaders run on the field at Samford Stadium the opponents refer to their ugliness by chanting, "How 'bout THEM Dawgs!"
True story: in 1977, the bachelor Prince Charles attended an SEC game at UGA. An inventive fraternity unveiled a banner that said, "The Prince Does It Dawg Style."
What's the difference between (insert injury prone player name here) and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
I do often wonder who in his right mind carries a pen into a bathroom if you know what I mean.
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