Retirement

[CB4]

I am not planning on my parents spending a day in a nursing home if I am physically able to care for them. They have been married almost 71 years and have lived in two houses during that time. There is no way they are moving to Ohio and I do not blame them one bit.

Mike this is very admirable and I applaud you for it. I’m in a similar situation to the one you are in or soon may be. Just a little “free advice”.

Mike, I would caution against playing things “too far forward” in terms of what you will do as it relates to the care of your parents as they continue on this journey. It can become emotionally compromising at times.

Our story: when Covid hit in March of 2020, we had a decision to make. My wife’s parent (both age 86 at time and married since age 19) had daily home care visits. Both were experiencing the beginning stages of dementia and my mother in law was confined to a wheel after fracturing a hip in June of 2019. Sending them to a retirement center, assisted living or a nursing home was out of the question with all the unknowns with Covid. We couldn’t have continued home care visits because of risk from what the caregivers may expose them to. So we moved them in with us. And much the same as you have stated, the goal was “they are with us until the Lord calls them home”.

So from an “emotional” standpoint we went “all in” at the jump. And now four and half years later as the dementia continues to take its toll, it has also taken its toll on my both of us as well. We have both “aged” easily 10 years in the last five years. We also now have three grandchildren under the age of three added to the mix, so it is truly a “generational sandwich” situation.

Our problem is this: it is becoming clear to us the care they may need as the end nears is something we nor the caregivers can effectively manage here. Thus we are often in this self imposed game of emotional tug of war between what we had mentally committed to do versus what reality brings.

The other consideration with it is what will be left of you and your spouse at the end of it all? I love my in-laws as much if not more than my own parents. But Mike, you are married to your wife (I’ve been with mine 38 years in August). There has to be something “left in the tank” for the two of you when it is all said in done.This is conversation my wife and I have more frequently. At some point we cannot be the “end all, be all” for her parents. It is a tremendously altruistic and admirable notion. However there must some self preservation built into it. This is something my wife nor I did.

We have been blessed to have her parents with us these past years. However it can be a double edged sword. My advice is simply this: frequent checkpoints with spouse and establish clear communications where you both stand, physically and emotionally. And take things as they come. Try to stay away from backing yourself in an “emotional corner” that may be difficult to extract yourself from.

My prayers are with you.

 

[Tidewater]

This is only true if you are collecting before you full retirement age, and it results in a recalculation of your benefits due when you do reach that age - meaning that you will get more from that point forward. In other words, it is a net positive, so earn as much as you wish.

Benefits Planner: Retirement | Receiving Benefits While Working | SSA

You can receive Social Security retirement or survivors benefits and work at the same time. However, if you are younger than full retirement age and earn more than certain amounts, your benefits will be reduced.

www.ssa.gov

.

Thanks. I do not think I will be waiting for 67 to cash in. Maybe, but I doubt it.
It seems to all be based on actuarial tables, so if you start taking SS earlier than the full retirement age (67 for me), and live longer the the tables thinks you will, then it it a net win for the recipient.
If you wait until full retirement to start taking full retirement, and die a day later, then it is a net loss for the recipient.

 

[Bazza]

-snip-
Mike, I would caution against playing things “too far forward” in terms of what you will do as it relates to the care of your parents as they continue on this journey. It can become emotionally compromising at times.
-snip-

Great post!

This is a topic that deserves it's own thread. I thought we had one and will look for it.

In the meantime a couple thoughts.

First - respect to you and your wife for taking this responsibility on. Every situation will be different....and most of the time options will be limited. Seems to always be the brain and the heart having a debate. But somewhere in there is the right choice. And most of the time circumstances will change and as such.....changes will be necessary....as it sounds like is the case with you and yours.

Please remember one thing. Your parents/in-laws would not want you to suffer.

If you are lucky you will find an assisted living facility that can help. And that's never easy - but once you decide that's the right direction - you just have to do some research.

The whole thing so heartbreaking......but the good news is it's become a huge industry and with that many resources to provide support and assistance. As your parent's/in-laws guardians....you just have to do your part.

Let us know if we can help......

Thanks. I do not think I will be waiting for 67 to cash in. -snip-

I waited for the halfway point - which for me was the sweet spot. Best of both worlds. No regrets!

For me the trade-off more time over more money wasn't even a question. You can never get time back. But you can always get more money.

Will be different for everyone.....so just my 2 cents.....

 

[Elefantman]

I'm retired now. I was a pert, now I'm an ex-pert. Not sure what to do with myself. Plenty of chores around the house, now I can just say I'll get roundtoit tomorrow, seeing I have nothing planned and nowhere to be tomorrow.

 

[Padreruf]

I'm retired now. I was a pert, now I'm an ex-pert. Not sure what to do with myself. Plenty of chores around the house, now I can just say I'll get roundtoit tomorrow, seeing I have nothing planned and nowhere to be tomorrow.

Retirement can be a joy or the most challenging time of your life -- or both. After 8 years of semi-retirement and 4 of full I can attest to that. Some suggestions:

Make a plan for how you will spend your time:
1. Family -- spouse, children, etc. Where are they and what do they need from you? How can you invest your time in their lives so that they can prosper?
2. Daily -- exercise, reading, reflection time, work around the house, etc. You will become bored if you don't have plan.
3. Hobbies -- what do you really enjoy doing that may bring no immediate return other than joy? (This may rule out golf...LOL)
4. Friends -- whom do you really enjoy being with...figure out ways to spend more time with them. Don't let people you do not like force themselves on you.
5. Travel -- do it sooner rather than later for your health will go faster than you can imagine. I know this one personally.

God bless...retirement is great if you do a little planning.

 

[FitToBeTide]

Retirement can be a joy or the most challenging time of your life -- or both. After 8 years of semi-retirement and 4 of full I can attest to that. Some suggestions:

Make a plan for how you will spend your time:
1. Family -- spouse, children, etc. Where are they and what do they need from you? How can you invest your time in their lives so that they can prosper?
2. Daily -- exercise, reading, reflection time, work around the house, etc. You will become bored if you don't have plan.
3. Hobbies -- what do you really enjoy doing that may bring no immediate return other than joy? (This may rule out golf...LOL)
4. Friends -- whom do you really enjoy being with...figure out ways to spend more time with them. Don't let people you do not like force themselves on you.
5. Travel -- do it sooner rather than later for your health will go faster than you can imagine. I know this one personally.

God bless...retirement is great if you do a little planning.

These are all winners, Padre. This may qualify for #6.

I retired twice. First time in ’02 and the last time in ’12. Since then, SheWhoMustBeObeyed and I have done a lot of volunteer work at different Christian conference centers and camps. Bought an RV and had a blast. We decided long ago not to go to seed after hanging it up and we haven’t regretted it once. There are myriad ways to give of your time and experience now that you have both.

Do something, while you still can. Oxidation will set in really fast otherwise.

 

[crimsonaudio]

I feel like we humans were created to have a purpose - we were made to do things. I see far too many people retire and just turn into vegetables, I refuse to do that. While I have retirement investments, I'm not planning on retiring - I want to work as long as I can as I love what I do and I cannot imagine waking up each morning without a purpose.

 

[alabama mike1]

Mike this is very admirable and I applaud you for it. I’m in a similar situation to the one you are in or soon may be. Just a little “free advice”.

Mike, I would caution against playing things “too far forward” in terms of what you will do as it relates to the care of your parents as they continue on this journey. It can become emotionally compromising at times.

Our story: when Covid hit in March of 2020, we had a decision to make. My wife’s parent (both age 86 at time and married since age 19) had daily home care visits. Both were experiencing the beginning stages of dementia and my mother in law was confined to a wheel after fracturing a hip in June of 2019. Sending them to a retirement center, assisted living or a nursing home was out of the question with all the unknowns with Covid. We couldn’t have continued home care visits because of risk from what the caregivers may expose them to. So we moved them in with us. And much the same as you have stated, the goal was “they are with us until the Lord calls them home”.

So from an “emotional” standpoint we went “all in” at the jump. And now four and half years later as the dementia continues to take its toll, it has also taken its toll on my both of us as well. We have both “aged” easily 10 years in the last five years. We also now have three grandchildren under the age of three added to the mix, so it is truly a “generational sandwich” situation.

Our problem is this: it is becoming clear to us the care they may need as the end nears is something we nor the caregivers can effectively manage here. Thus we are often in this self imposed game of emotional tug of war between what we had mentally committed to do versus what reality brings.

The other consideration with it is what will be left of you and your spouse at the end of it all? I love my in-laws as much if not more than my own parents. But Mike, you are married to your wife (I’ve been with mine 38 years in August). There has to be something “left in the tank” for the two of you when it is all said in done.This is conversation my wife and I have more frequently. At some point we cannot be the “end all, be all” for her parents. It is a tremendously altruistic and admirable notion. However there must some self preservation built into it. This is something my wife nor I did.

We have been blessed to have her parents with us these past years. However it can be a double edged sword. My advice is simply this: frequent checkpoints with spouse and establish clear communications where you both stand, physically and emotionally. And take things as they come. Try to stay away from backing yourself in an “emotional corner” that may be difficult to extract yourself from.

My prayers are with you.

TY so much!

I semi-retired two months ago. Now I have only one job (with the possibilty of an additional one come September).
One thing to watch out for is to make sure you are financially ready because once you start Social Security, the cap on your monthly earnings is $1850/month. Earn more than that and Uncle Same takes 50 cents on every dollar beyond $1850 (by reducing the SS pay out by 50 cents).
If a person currently taking social security earns $2000 in a month, the net will only be $1925 because for every dollar over $1850 ($150 in this case) US reduces SS by 50 cents ($75 in this case).

Employees of the state in Ohio do not pay into SS.

 

[Tidewater]

TY so much!




Employees of the state in Ohio do not pay into SS.

There are some strange exceptions to participation in Social Security. Teachers (I think), firefighters, and as you say employees in Ohio.

 

[4Q Basket Case]

These are all winners, Padre. This may qualify for #6.

I retired twice. First time in ’02 and the last time in ’12. Since then, SheWhoMustBeObeyed and I have done a lot of volunteer work at different Christian conference centers and camps. Bought an RV and had a blast. We decided long ago not to go to seed after hanging it up and we haven’t regretted it once. There are myriad ways to give of your time and experience now that you have both.

Do something, while you still can. Oxidation will set in really fast otherwise.

Amen to that last sentence. It doesn't really matter what you do, so long as it gets you off the couch and out of the house, it's mentally engaging, and you enjoy it.

Travel. We're doing the physically demanding overseas stuff now while we can. Volunteer at your church. Volunteer at the Food Bank. Volunteer at any organization that's important to you. If you're handy around the house (I'm not), get a job at a local hardware store. I work 10 hours a week at a wine shop and love helping customers pair wine with their meals. It's also surprisingly physical. Sometimes I teach a class on wine. Very occasionally I'll have a consulting gig in the financial world I used to inhabit.

But if you spend your time watching Netflix, and your exercise comes from lifting the remote, your retirement will be neither as enjoyable nor as long you would like it to be.

One financial benefit I don't see mentioned much is that you're no longer saving for retirement. So no more 401k or IRA contributions and no more SSI.

 

[bamaga]

^^^ great advice!

How about a once a week mini-triathlon with a couple friends of yours?

1/2 mile swim, 5K run, and 12 miles on the bike.

I can't think of a better way to spend some of your retirement time!

That’s why I don’t retire, that and my huge losses in Crypto recently. Anyway, I still do physical labor , although I don’t have to. The guys think I’m meticulous or don’t trust anyone to do the job right, but it has nothing to do with either. My retired neighbor cut his grass/raked leaves and did yard work every single day, most in the neighborhood thinks he is just fanatical about his lawn. But it’s just his way of staying active. He recently had an illness that led to another illness that led to a period of inactivity that led to him going down hill quickly. He is now in a rehab facility to regain his mobility and independence. Billy is his name and he is 94. I have faith he will be back mowing the lawn this summer. Talk to Nick Saban about retirement, he will tell you activity is the key to survival.