The spanking thread had me typing a post, then navigating away instead of posting.
I just wanted to share this.
We have two kids. I mentioned the elder one in that thread. He has a temper.
He's a good kid, and has come a long way. As an infant, he got upset easily, and threw fits with little provocation. When we told him "no," he ignored us, and we would always have to get up and physically remove him from the situation, and that would always result in a tantrum.
Two years ago, his Sunday school teacher told us that they were going to change the curriculum, to address his hitting problem.
My wife would get together with other moms for "play dates" and he would always get in trouble. Every time. My wife came home crying many days, because he wouldn't behave, and she felt like a failure.
We read books, we sought advice. And, at four and a half, he's out of most all of his major misbehaviors, although he still has rough days, particularly when he's short on sleep.
He got an award at his preschool end of year program, and his teacher told us that he had become one of her favorite students she had ever had. Maybe she was lying, but we felt like she was sincere. She wrote a recommendation letter for his application to a private school, and he was accepted, so she certainly couldn't have thought too poorly of him.
Then, we have a daughter.
We don't often tell her no. We can usually just look at her sternly, and she will stop doing whatever she is doing. If we tell her no, she will often begin to cry and stop whatever she is doing.
I never have to tell her to come to me more than once. I tell her once, and she obeys without fail.
I haven't ever even considered spanking her because she never does anything to warrant a spanking. "No" always does the trick.
There were undoubtedly people that looked at us with our eldest child and thought, "Wow, those parents are obviously doing something wrong."
Had our youngest been born first, people probably would have looked at us and thought, "Those parents are doing it right."
We had little to do with either. I hope that our fruits are evident when they are 18 to 24 moreso than at 4 and 5.
Same parents. Same environment. Two completely different kids.
I say all this because I have learned to be very slow to criticize parents I see in public. It doesn't mean no parents deserve criticism, because they obviously do. Sometimes kids act crazy to get attention from a parent, so sometimes parents ignore that to address the misbehavior. Sometimes the parents will be more active. I just don't know the history of the misbehavior, so it's often difficult (not always... sometimes it's easy) to criticize a parent based on one observation in a public place. I save most of my criticism for parents that I am around a lot, and see trends and environments. Or, obvious displays of poor parenting - screaming parents, etc.
Kids have different personalities. When kids are small, when you see kids acting out, you are often simply seeing the personalities of the kids. When kids are older, you might be seeing more parenting reflected.
Anyway. Just wanted to say all that. If you have small children that are difficult, don't worry just yet. Just keep on trying to do what's best for them, and teach them the right things to do. Seek advice. Don't fret just because your child doesn't behave perfectly in the supermarket.
I just wanted to share this.
We have two kids. I mentioned the elder one in that thread. He has a temper.
He's a good kid, and has come a long way. As an infant, he got upset easily, and threw fits with little provocation. When we told him "no," he ignored us, and we would always have to get up and physically remove him from the situation, and that would always result in a tantrum.
Two years ago, his Sunday school teacher told us that they were going to change the curriculum, to address his hitting problem.
My wife would get together with other moms for "play dates" and he would always get in trouble. Every time. My wife came home crying many days, because he wouldn't behave, and she felt like a failure.
We read books, we sought advice. And, at four and a half, he's out of most all of his major misbehaviors, although he still has rough days, particularly when he's short on sleep.
He got an award at his preschool end of year program, and his teacher told us that he had become one of her favorite students she had ever had. Maybe she was lying, but we felt like she was sincere. She wrote a recommendation letter for his application to a private school, and he was accepted, so she certainly couldn't have thought too poorly of him.
Then, we have a daughter.
We don't often tell her no. We can usually just look at her sternly, and she will stop doing whatever she is doing. If we tell her no, she will often begin to cry and stop whatever she is doing.
I never have to tell her to come to me more than once. I tell her once, and she obeys without fail.
I haven't ever even considered spanking her because she never does anything to warrant a spanking. "No" always does the trick.
There were undoubtedly people that looked at us with our eldest child and thought, "Wow, those parents are obviously doing something wrong."
Had our youngest been born first, people probably would have looked at us and thought, "Those parents are doing it right."
We had little to do with either. I hope that our fruits are evident when they are 18 to 24 moreso than at 4 and 5.
Same parents. Same environment. Two completely different kids.
I say all this because I have learned to be very slow to criticize parents I see in public. It doesn't mean no parents deserve criticism, because they obviously do. Sometimes kids act crazy to get attention from a parent, so sometimes parents ignore that to address the misbehavior. Sometimes the parents will be more active. I just don't know the history of the misbehavior, so it's often difficult (not always... sometimes it's easy) to criticize a parent based on one observation in a public place. I save most of my criticism for parents that I am around a lot, and see trends and environments. Or, obvious displays of poor parenting - screaming parents, etc.
Kids have different personalities. When kids are small, when you see kids acting out, you are often simply seeing the personalities of the kids. When kids are older, you might be seeing more parenting reflected.
Anyway. Just wanted to say all that. If you have small children that are difficult, don't worry just yet. Just keep on trying to do what's best for them, and teach them the right things to do. Seek advice. Don't fret just because your child doesn't behave perfectly in the supermarket.
