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Auburn Jokes

RTR91

RTR91

Super Moderator
Nov 23, 2007
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Prattville
I received some Auburn jokes today. I will post some (the others on the sheet are pretty old/typical). Here ya go:


  • The Alabama State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Auburn. For the first offense, they give you two Auburn Tigers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What do you call 47 football fans around a TV watching all the bowl games?..... The Auburn Tigers
  • What do Auburn Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?... They both can make 75,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ"
  • Where do you go in Auburn in case of a tornado?... To the football field- they never get a touchdown there!
  • What do you call an Auburn player with a National Championship ring?... A thief
  • What's the difference between Auburn and a dollar bill?... You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What do Auburn and a possum have in common?... Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
I hope this gives you a little laugh.
 
Kinda long and cliche, but it's well worth your while:

Day 1 - Per his daily ritual, Satan walks through his domain to see that everyone is sufficiently miserable. As usual, he pauses to take special pleasure in the pain and agony displayed by the new arrivals. However, on this particular day he spots a lanky Auburn Grad smiling and looking like he's at a picnic. "Hey you!" Satan yells, "The temperature in here is a constant 95 degrees and the humidity is 90%! You're supposed to be miserable!" Quips the Auburn Grad, "Maybe so, but it feels just like the Auburn campus in June to me. I had a lot of fun on those hot summer nights at Auburn." Miffed; Satan, decides to adjust the temperature up to 100 degrees and the humidity to 95%.

Day 2 - On his daily stroll, Satan notices everyone appears exceptionally miserable today. He then remembers the smiling Auburn Grad and decides to see how he's faring today. To his surprise, the Auburn Grad has unbuttoned a couple of buttons on his shirt, but he still looks happy and carefree. Satan cries out, "Hey Awbie, what are you smiling at now?" The Auburn Grad replies, "Well this reminds me of those 4th of July parties we used to have at Auburn. Boy those were some great parties." This really irritated Satan, who immediately turned the temperature to 110 and the humidity to 100%.

Day 3 - Satan dispenses with his daily stroll and goes straight to the region of hell where he would locate the Auburn Grad. Sure enough, he finds the Auburn Grad, shirt- off, with a huge grin on his face. "Okay, so what is it this time? Satan asks. "Well, it's just like Auburn in August. Man we had some great times getting ready for school to start, seeing friends again that left for summer break, helping them move back in the dorms in the August heat, and then party till your first class started."

Totally irate, Satan determines to put an end to this charade. He sets the temperature down to zero degrees and whips up 20 mile per hour wind. Later that day, Satan can wait no longer wait and decides to check back on the fool hardy Auburn Grad. He finds him huddled and shivering lips blue, arms folded, snow in his hair and icicles hanging from his mustache. But bigger than an Auburn Grad with a date that is not of the bovine family, there he was laughing out loud and wearing a huge smile. "I GIVE UP!" declared Satan. "What in blue blazes could you find to be happy about now?" The Auburn Grad replied, "Well, this can only mean one thing... The Auburn Tigers have won a National Championship!"
 
A long time ago, there was a guy peeing on an Auburn flag. It was on the old Bamanation when it started in the late 90s. It was animated and pretty funny :biggrin:
 
auburnwaits.jpg
 
An elementary school teacher plans a career day for class. She begins asking the students what their parents do for a living. The first little boy says "My dad's a paramedic, he get's people to the hospital real fast if they are in a wreck." The next little boy says " My mom is a dentist and she clean's people's teeth." Another little boys says, "My dad a male stripper at the gay strip club downtown." The teacher, not wanting any questions to be asked, hurries to the next person. After class she calls the little boy up to her desk and asks him "Is your dad really a stripper?" The little boy replies, "No ma'am, I just didn't want any of my friends to know he's a coach at Auburn." :biggrin2:
 
Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon. An Alabama
fan, an Auburn fan, a Tennessee fan, and a Mississippi State fan.

They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who
among them was the most die hard fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Tennessee fan
proclaimed to the other three "This is for the Volunteers!" and
promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice,
screaming Rocky Top as he fell to his death.

Not to be outdone by the Tennessee fan, the Mississippi State
fan jumped up and shouted "This is for the DAWGS" and threw himself
off the mountain barking Woof..woof, woof, woof! as he crashed on the
rocks below.

Refusing to be out done by the Tennessee and Mississippi State
fans, the Alabama fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his
lungs "This is for THE CRIMSON TIDE!"
and without hesitation, pushed the Auburn fan off the mountain
shouting---

Weagle Weagle Fly War Eagle!

-------

An Alabama fan and an Auburn fan are driving head on at night, on a twisty,
dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a
sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though
their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the
other from that moment on.

At this point, the Alabama fan goes to the trunk and gets a 12 year old
bottle of Jack Daniels.

He hands the bottle to the Auburn fan, who exclaims, 'may Auburn and
Alabama live together forever, in peace, and harmony.' The Auburn fan then
tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over
the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Alabama fan, who

replies: "No thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here."
 
An Auburn and Bama fan were sitting at their breakfast table reading the Sunday paper. The Bama fan, while drinking his coffee sees a coupon that reads "$99 cruise". So he cut it out and rushed down to the travel agency and handed it to the clerk behind the counter. "I want this cruise right here." So the clerk reaches behind him and grabs a bat and hits the Bama fan over the head, wraps him in tarp all of the way up to his neck so his head is still showing and throws him in the river out back.

The Auburn fan while reading his Sunday paper saw the same ad, cuts it out and runs down to the travel agency and shows the guy the coupon for the 99 dollar cruise and says "I want this cruise." So the clerk reaches back, gets a bat and knocks him out cold. Wraps him tarp up to his neck and throws him in the river out back.

About an hour later the Bama and Auburn fan come to and are floating side by side. The Bama fan looks at the Auburn fan and asks "Do you think they serve meals on this cruise." The Auburn fans says "They didn't last year." ;)
 
One day a boys father wanted to see what kind of person his son would be. So he put a 20 dollar bill down on the table thinking that if his son picks it up his son would be a materialistic person. He put a bible down beside thinking if his son picked it up he might be interested in becoming a preacher. He put a shot of whiskey down beside it thinking that if his son picked it up he'd prolly wind up being a womanizing alcoholic. He hid in his son's closet to see which one he would pick. His son soon came home, saw the stuff on the table grabbed the 20 put it in his pocket, put his hand on the bible to steady himself, and grabbed the whiskey and threw it down in one swallow. As soon as he left the room the father came out of hiding crying "oh my god! he's gonna be a politician!"
 
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