Funny Auburn Jokes and Quotes

[skrayper77]

I'll start:

Do you know why Ponce de Leon started in Florida?
Someone told him the Fountain of Youth was in Auburn!

Best quote from ITAT:

Alabama- Good but I think they lose to Lsu and 1 other team. Michigan was over rated in my opinion. Small line, innaccurate qb, no rb threat at all. Msu beat them last January by 40.

Auburn is in fine company this weekend along with Vanderbilt and Kentucky - the only other SEC teams to lose this weekend.

Gene Chizik is to discipline what Dr. Seuss is to medicine.

"You had me at gunpoint." -Me to an Auburn football player

It's interesting how realistic video games have become. An Auburn player just got arrested on NCAA 13.

An Auburn student dropped some acid...Burnt a hole in the floor...He was tripping for days.

 

[bamanut_aj]

"it's great to be an auburn tiger/war eagle/plainsman"

No it's not. That's the most horrible punishment imaginable


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[selmaborntidefan]

A Barner football player accidentally wanders into the second English Comp class for the semester. The teacher is reviewing punctuation and asks, "What always follows a sentence?" The Auburn player said, "The appeal."

 

[mrusso]

A Barner football player accidentally wanders into the second English Comp class for the semester. The teacher is reviewing punctuation and asks, "What always follows a sentence?" The Auburn player said, "The appeal."

Haaaa! Like a barner football player would be anywhere near an academic building.

 

[Alajambama]

A Bama fan in full crimson garb walks into a bar in Opelika. He asked the bartender, "Hey man, wanna hear my new Auburn joke?" The big bartender says, "Man, look at me. I'm 6'3" tall and weight 320 lbs. I was the left tackle on Auburn's undefeated 2004 team. The big ol' boy on your left is 6'4", weighs 250, and played linebacker for Terry Bowden. The guy on your right is 6'2", and wrestled at Auburn in the heavyweight division. Do you still want to tell your Auburn joke?" The Bama guy looked around at all of them for a couple of seconds and said, "No! I don't want to have to explain it three times"

 

[BradtheImpaler]

Their defense.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

 

[bamachile]

Did you hear Auburn shut down their Driver's Ed program?

The mule died.

 

[Probius]

Driving instructions from Birmingham to Auburn: drive south until you smell it, drive east until you step in it.

 

[BamaFanatJSU]

A Bama fan in a pickup gives a ride to an Auburn fan hitchhiking on SR 147. Another Auburn fan, while trying to text, smoke, eat a hamburger, and apply makeup behind the wheel, swerves toward the truck as the two vehicles cross a bridge. The truck goes through the guardrail and into the river, after which the Bama fan rolls down the window and swims to safety. To his utter shock, the Auburn fan never surfaces. Up in Heaven, St. Peter approaches the Auburn fan and asks how he had met his fate. Clearly irritated, the Auburn fan replies, "That stupid Alabama fan should've gotten his jammed tailgate fixed!"

 

[cbi1972]

A Bama fan in a pickup gives a ride to an Auburn fan hitchhiking on SR 147. Another Auburn fan, while trying to text, smoke, eat a hamburger, and apply makeup behind the wheel, swerves toward the truck as the two vehicles cross a bridge. The truck goes through the guardrail and into the river, after which the Bama fan rolls down the window and swims to safety. To his utter shock, the Auburn fan never surfaces. Up in Heaven, St. Peter approaches the Auburn fan and asks how he had met his fate. Clearly irritated, the Auburn fan replies, "That stupid Alabama fan should've gotten his jammed tailgate fixed!"

Too many Auburn fans in the joke

 

[BradtheImpaler]

Did you hear Auburn shut down their Driver's Ed program?

The mule died.

Wait... I thought that was the sex-ed class!

 

[RTR_UA#1]

On their way back to campus from a game last fall, the awbarn football team drove past a billboard that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."

By the time the bus driver had driven the eight miles, the team had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Thanks barners!!

 

[BillDee]

I'll start:

Do you know why Ponce de Leon started in Florida?
Someone told him the Fountain of Youth was in Auburn!

I've read this several times and still don't get it. Could someone please explain what I'm missing?

 

[RollTideMang]

I've read this several times and still don't get it. Could someone please explain what I'm missing?

Auburn is a young team (why they say they keep losing), and according to legend, Ponce de Leon discovered Florida searching for the fountain of youth.

 

[Bruce014]

"I want to thank the Board of Trustees for giving us the Recruiting Slush Fund to do what was necessary to win a championship." ~ Jay Jacobs

"I believe in honesty and truthfulness, without which I cannot win the respect and confidence of my fellow men." ~ Auburn Creed

 

[BillDee]

Auburn is a young team (why they say they keep losing), and according to legend, Ponce de Leon discovered Florida searching for the fountain of youth.

Uh, OK. Thanks...

 

[bama_fan01]

Wait... I thought that was the sex-ed class!

Different mule.

 

[RTR91]

One rainy night, an Alabama fan wrecks with an Auburn fan on a curvy road. The two men are standing around waiting on the police to arrive. The Alabama fan says, "I've got some Jack Daniels in my trunk. Want to have a drink while we wait?" The Auburn fan agrees to the idea. When the police arrive, the Auburn fan has whiskey on his breath and a cup in his hand.

 

[Alajambama]

Did you hear Auburn shut down their Driver's Ed program?

The mule died.

I guess life planning (sex education) is done too then.

 

[BamaHoosier]

What's the difference between an Auburn cheerleader and a scarecrow? One has an empty head and scares birds and small animals, and the other one is made of hay.

A man takes his wife, (who use to be an Auburn Cheerleader) hunting, and impresses on her again and again that "If you shoot a deer, don't let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it... it's their deer!" So ... he's in his stand hardly for 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming... "It's your deer lady..It's your deer... Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!!

An Auburn Man goes to Georgia and buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Columbus to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Aubie says "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The Aubie said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Aubie, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!