The serpents and not being poisoned, in Aramaic, refer to gossip and harmful remarks against one. IOW, an allegory. It's not the first time that a BCE allegory has tried to be shoe-horned into 21st century reality...
News Article: Reality show snake-handling preacher dies -- of snakebite
- Thread starter Bamaro
- Start date
The scene from The Campaign (Will Ferrell) comes to mind. Classic.
"God has removed the venom from my veins and the blasphemy from my heart. It's a miracle!"
"I feel like I'm maintaining, am I maintaining Mitch?"
"God has removed the venom from my veins and the blasphemy from my heart. It's a miracle!"
"I feel like I'm maintaining, am I maintaining Mitch?"
He had shown his loyalty and faith in Jesus enough so that Jesus decided to reward him and take him into heaven now! Ya'll heathens just don't understand anything! 
I have a second cousin who catches and keeps rattlers, copperheads and water moccasins in aquariums in his home for one of those churches, I believe in or near Trenton Georgia. I reckon they pay him to do it, or I see no reason he would do it as he does nothing for free, he is all about the "buck".
One of them bit him on the hand and he nearly died, would have, had he not went to the ER. I think he was hospitalized for a while, but wasn't advertising it lol! He is an idiot to say the least. Runs in the family a bit I do believe!
I have a second cousin who catches and keeps rattlers, copperheads and water moccasins in aquariums in his home for one of those churches, I believe in or near Trenton Georgia. I reckon they pay him to do it, or I see no reason he would do it as he does nothing for free, he is all about the "buck".
One of them bit him on the hand and he nearly died, would have, had he not went to the ER. I think he was hospitalized for a while, but wasn't advertising it lol! He is an idiot to say the least. Runs in the family a bit I do believe!
This is what the verse says:
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif]Mark 16:18[/FONT]
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif] “They will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (NIV)[/FONT]
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif] “They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.” (KJV)
Ya'll need to be getting yourself some snakes. Show the money and me and MOAN will get you some.[/FONT]
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif]Mark 16:18[/FONT]
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif] “They will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (NIV)[/FONT]
[FONT=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif] “They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.” (KJV)
Ya'll need to be getting yourself some snakes. Show the money and me and MOAN will get you some.[/FONT]
Lots I could say (the last 12 verses of Mark were added later, this is a great example of human pride and what happens, blah blah blah).
But I DO wonder........what did he say right before he was bitten? "Hey, y'all watch this?" Or maybe, "Hold mah beer?"
But I DO wonder........what did he say right before he was bitten? "Hey, y'all watch this?" Or maybe, "Hold mah beer?"
If he had been drinking beer he might have survived it! I was bitten by a poisonous snake, not sure what kind as it was dark, I was drunk and the car was running and didn't hear anything, just felt an awful stinging.
I had flip flops on and my buddy was putting water in the car radiator while it was running. His yard had grown up, hadn't been cut in a couple weeks. I was walking beside it and felt a bad stinging on my foot, at the time I thought it was just a bumble bee that was in the clover or something, and just rubbed my foot against my other leg. We left and went to another friends house for a while and then went home.
I was plastered so when I got home I went straight to bed. Woke up around 1 or so in the morning sick with a high fever and chills but didn't get up or say anything to the wife just curled up and fell back asleep. I was out till the next afternoon!!! The wife and kids had long been gone to work and school and I had not made it to work. What woke me up was my foot hitting the bed post and a severe pain from my foot woke me up. Looked down and it was all red and swollen, but I didn't put two and two together, just rolled back over and slept some more till the wife and kids got home.
Didn't feel good for several days after but still didn't think much of the bite other than I must have had a bad reaction to the bumble bee sting I thought I had. After the swelling went down you could see the two fangs marks about a quarter inch apart on my big toe lol! My grandpa, dad and everyone that seen it said it was a snake bite, and I had two little puncture scars there for years until it finally faded away and barley visible if at all. I can't see them anymore but my eyes are not so great anymore either. Of course my buddy killed a big rattlesnake in his yard about a week or so afterwards!
Had several people tell me all that alcohol I had in my system could have saved me. The poison went out of me about as fast as it went in lol!!!
Oh, I think God definitely has a sense of humor. Just think about sex for a minute or two! :biggrin:
The one I heard about Augusta was a little different...
Jesus, Moses, and some old guy with a beard that dragged the ground were out playing a round of golf at Augusta one day. They were rounding 'Amen Corner' and all three of them had hit great drives on #13 and were sitting in a perfect position to go for the green in two, with the wind behind them.
Moses steps up, winds up his 3-wood, and launches the ball towards the green. He doesn't catch all of it, though, and the ball is bounding right towards the creek guarding the hole. Moses clears his throat, lifts his club into the air, and the water in the creek parts just enough to let the ball bounce right through and onto the green.
Jesus steps up, having selected a 5-wood for this shot, and tries to hit a nice little draw onto the green. They notice a change in the wind - turning toward them, threatening to knock Jesus' shot down into the creek - but Jesus just whispers a little bit under his breath and the wind changes back again. His ball clears the creek but takes a bad bounce backwards, splashing into the creek. "That's okay.", Jesus says. "I'll just walk out and play it from there." They peer down towards the creek and can just barely make out Jesus' ball floating in the middle of the creek.
Then the old man steps up and decides that the only way he can make it in two is to hit his driver off the deck. He winds up and pulls the ball well left of the hole, bouncing it off of a tree and into the creek. A startled bullfrog jumps into the creek, swallows the ball, and jumps back onto the bank. Then, out of nowhere, a hawk swoops down and picks up the bullfrog in his talons. As the hawk rises above the treeline, it loses control of the bullfrog and drops it. The bullfrog lands on the green, causing the golf ball to pop out of his mouth and roll about ten or twelve feet - right into the hole!!!
Moses looks over at Jesus and says, "Man, I hate playing golf with your Dad!"
So, before going to a snake handling church, get completely wasted. I like it.If he had been drinking beer he might have survived it! I was bitten by a poisonous snake, not sure what kind as it was dark, I was drunk and the car was running and didn't hear anything, just felt an awful stinging.
I had flip flops on and my buddy was putting water in the car radiator while it was running. His yard had grown up, hadn't been cut in a couple weeks. I was walking beside it and felt a bad stinging on my foot, at the time I thought it was just a bumble bee that was in the clover or something, and just rubbed my foot against my other leg. We left and went to another friends house for a while and then went home.
I was plastered so when I got home I went straight to bed. Woke up around 1 or so in the morning sick with a high fever and chills but didn't get up or say anything to the wife just curled up and fell back asleep. I was out till the next afternoon!!! The wife and kids had long been gone to work and school and I had not made it to work. What woke me up was my foot hitting the bed post and a severe pain from my foot woke me up. Looked down and it was all red and swollen, but I didn't put two and two together, just rolled back over and slept some more till the wife and kids got home.
Didn't feel good for several days after but still didn't think much of the bite other than I must have had a bad reaction to the bumble bee sting I thought I had. After the swelling went down you could see the two fangs marks about a quarter inch apart on my big toe lol! My grandpa, dad and everyone that seen it said it was a snake bite, and I had two little puncture scars there for years until it finally faded away and barley visible if at all. I can't see them anymore but my eyes are not so great anymore either. Of course my buddy killed a big rattlesnake in his yard about a week or so afterwards!
Had several people tell me all that alcohol I had in my system could have saved me. The poison went out of me about as fast as it went in lol!!!
And, let me know when you do. A drunk guy at a church full of idiots playing with snakes? That's entertainment!
I can dance better when I'm drunk too. Should make for some awesome entertainment.
Doesn't say much for the inerrant word of god, the Bible does it?
What all else is optional? Back then snakes not only bit, they talked!!! 
I helped my PaPa cut some grass of his land in Eastaboga a couple years ago, that had grown into a mini jungle, and I ran into a nest or den(whatever it's called) of rattlesnakes..There were chunks of rattlesnakes flying from the riding mower, freaked me the heck or, I ran over that den probably 15 times, and still was freaked out by the snakes..
So we got some kerosene & soaked the area with it, and lit it up..There's very few things in this world that I'm scared of, snakes are at the top of my fear list, I know they have a reason & place in our world, as nature's rodent control, but, what keeps them in check though, my gun & anything I can light them on fire with as far as I'm concerned keeps them in check in my world..LOL
So we got some kerosene & soaked the area with it, and lit it up..There's very few things in this world that I'm scared of, snakes are at the top of my fear list, I know they have a reason & place in our world, as nature's rodent control, but, what keeps them in check though, my gun & anything I can light them on fire with as far as I'm concerned keeps them in check in my world..LOL
I don't think the good Lord asks you to test your faith, I think he just hopes you have it.
It doesn't take a rattlesnake to do such. Just believe. It's almost so simple that modern people can't comprehend it.
Maybe he should make a youtube video.
It doesn't take a rattlesnake to do such. Just believe. It's almost so simple that modern people can't comprehend it.
Maybe he should make a youtube video.
Life throws enough at you to rely on faith without tempting "fate" with a bunch of pit vipers!
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