Post an SEC or CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

[FightinGator]

Iam a nervous Gator and want this game to start yesterday. It seems like an eternity and I need a good laugh. Post your jokes and lets have some fun. I have a sense of humor so pick on the Gators if you like. :biggrin:

Ill go first

Q: What's the difference between the Ole Miss football team and a box of Rice Krispies?
A: Rice Krispies go in a bowl.

 

[Jessica4Bama]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

This one isn't that good, but here goes:

How do you get to Auburn?

Go South until you smell it, and left until you see it.

I have another one about Auburn, but I can't post the picture since it isn't mine. It is a skeleton sitting in a lawn chair, holding a sign saying "Waiting on a national champtionship."

 

[RollTideMang]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Did you hear about the Tennessee grad that got fired from the M&M manufacturer?

He kept throwing out all the "W"'s.

 

[TideFan in AU]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

AUBURN!!! Best one I know!
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[RollTideMang]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Have you heard about the Auburn guy who lost $100 on the football game?

He lost $50 on the game and another $50 on the instant replay.

 

[GoBamaJags]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

An Alabama fan and a Florida fan are involved in a horrible auto accident. As the two men stumble from their cars and ask if each are ok, the Florida fan says "We should stop being such hated enemies and enjoy the rivalry more. " The Bama fan agrees and says "Here, I have something to celebrate our new found friendship with!" He pulls an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels out of his wecked auto, cracks the seal, and offers the Gator the first pull from the bottle. Not to offend, the Gator accepts and downs atleast three shots worth! When he offered the bottle back, the Alabama fan replaces the cap and throws the bottle into a creek below. As the Gator looks bewildered, the Alabama man says " No thanks. I'll just wait for the police to arrive!"

:BigA::biggrin:

 

[37bamagrl]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

How do you get to Auburn?

Go South until you smell it, and left until you see it.

my version: go north until you smell it, east until you step in it

-----------------------
A few oldies but goodies:

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon. An Alabama
fan, an Auburn fan, a Tennessee fan, and a Gator fan.

They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who
among them was the most die hard fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Tennessee fan
proclaimed to the other three "This is for the Volunteers!" and
promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice,
screaming Rocky Top as he fell to his death.

Not to be outdone by the Tennessee fan, the Gator
fan jumped up and shouted "This is for Tebow" and threw himself
off the mountain doing the gator chomp as he crashed on the
rocks below.

Refusing to be out done by the Tennessee and Gator fans, the Alabama fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his
lungs "This is for THE CRIMSON TIDE!"
and without hesitation, pushed the Auburn fan off the mountain
shouting---

Weagle Weagle Fly War Eagle!

------------------------
A recruit from Birmingham, a highly prized 5-star long snapper, was driving down to Auburn for his final visit. He had made the decision that the loveliest village on the plains would be his school. As he merged onto Hwy 15, he saw a sign that read, "Auburn University - Left." Disappointed, he turned around and went back home.

--------------------------

And one gator and bama fans can appreciate:

Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Alabama
when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the
dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his
friend.

A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and
rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write
the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From
Vicious Animal.'"

"But I'm not a Bama fan," the little hero replies." Sorry, since we're in
Alabama, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts
writing again.

He asks "How does Auburn Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack
sound?"

"I'm not an Auburn fan either," the boy says. Oh, I thought everyone in
Alabama was either for the Tide or the Tigers. What team do you root
for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Tennessee Vols fan," said the boy.

The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook, and
writes: "Little Redneck Bastard From Tennessee Kills Beloved Family Pet"

 

[THE BAMA IRISHMAN]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

How many Vol Football players does it take to rob two white boys with a cheese burger between them? :biggrin:

 

[NBF_Bama_Cavalry]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

A construction foreman (who was a gator fan) hired an Auburn fan as a carpenter apprentice. He told him to start nailing the boards on the side of a house they were building. After about an hour he noticed the Auburn fan would pull a nail out of his apron and BAM BAM BAM, hammer it into the board. He'd pull out another nail, look at it, and throw it over his shoulder into the grass. Then he'd pull out another and, BAM BAM BAM, hammer it into the board. About every 2nd or 3rd nail, he'd look at it and throw it over his shoulder into the grass.

The gator fan walked over to him and yelled, "What are you doing stupid? You're wasting nails!"

The Auburn fan says, "When I pull out a nail, if it's pointed toward the house I hammer it in. If it's pointed the other way I know it's the wrong kind of nail so I throw it away."

The gator fan says, "Don't you know anything? Those go on the other side of the house!"

 

[Dartigan]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Another oldie:

During halftime at the SECCG, a Bama fan and a UF fan are in neighboring urinals. After they are done with their business, the Bama fan goes over to the mirror to check his hair and the UF fan gives his hands the cursory 4 second hand wash. The UF fan scowls at the Bama fan and says, "At the University of Florida, they teach us to wash our hands after we go to the bathroom!" The Bama fan looks at him, and with a grin on his face, he says, "At the University of Alabama, they teach us to not pee on our hands!"

 

[uaintn]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Q: How do you get an Auburn graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

 

[THE BAMA IRISHMAN]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Q. What is the difference between an Auburn Fan and a puppy?
A. Puppys eventually stop whining.

 

[ROTYDE]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Not football related, but it the only one I got right now.. What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They both have been clubbed by Norwegians.:biggrin:

 

[TIDESURGE]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Four guys spend weeks planning the perfect football outing for the annual Iron Bowl game between the Auburn Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Tide.




Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?



On game day, two days later, the three get to the stadium site only to find Frank already sitting in his seat with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The other evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, and so I did.




And then she said "Now, do whatever you want."


So here I am!!!

 

[TIDE-HSV]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Not football related, but it the only one I got right now.. What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They both have been clubbed by Norwegians.:biggrin:

LOL! However, she's Swedish and they disapprove deeply of the harp seal harvest...

 

[tidefanbeezer]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Q: How many Tennessee freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a junior level class.

 

[CircleCity334]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Hey i heard that there gonna let Dunlap play this weekend.. Seems that the police found it not to be his fault.. they said that he was at this party with a bunch of friends and he thought he was drinking water but he didnt realize Tebow had turned the water into wine! :biggrin2:

:BigA:RoLL Tide RoLL:BigA:

 

[p'colabamaman]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

A Bama fan noticed a UF fan putting his hand on his butt, then bringing his hand to his nose and sniffing it, doing this over and over. The Bama guy said,
"Hey man, what in the world are you doing?"
UF fan says, "snorting crack".

 

[ABamaManNTX]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

my version: go north until you smell it, east until you step in it

-----------------------
A few oldies but goodies:

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon. An Alabama
fan, an Auburn fan, a Tennessee fan, and a Gator fan.

They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who
among them was the most die hard fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Tennessee fan
proclaimed to the other three "This is for the Volunteers!" and
promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice,
screaming Rocky Top as he fell to his death.

Not to be outdone by the Tennessee fan, the Gator
fan jumped up and shouted "This is for Tebow" and threw himself
off the mountain doing the gator chomp as he crashed on the
rocks below.

Refusing to be out done by the Tennessee and Gator fans, the Alabama fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his
lungs "This is for THE CRIMSON TIDE!"
and without hesitation, pushed the Auburn fan off the mountain
shouting---

Weagle Weagle Fly War Eagle!

------------------------
A recruit from Birmingham, a highly prized 5-star long snapper, was driving down to Auburn for his final visit. He had made the decision that the loveliest village on the plains would be his school. As he merged onto Hwy 15, he saw a sign that read, "Auburn University - Left." Disappointed, he turned around and went back home.

--------------------------

And one gator and bama fans can appreciate:

Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Alabama
when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the
dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his
friend.

A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and
rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write
the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From
Vicious Animal.'"

"But I'm not a Bama fan," the little hero replies." Sorry, since we're in
Alabama, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts
writing again.

He asks "How does Auburn Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack
sound?"

"I'm not an Auburn fan either," the boy says. Oh, I thought everyone in
Alabama was either for the Tide or the Tigers. What team do you root
for?" the reporter asks.

"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Tennessee Vols fan," said the boy.

The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook, and
writes: "Little Redneck Bastard From Tennessee Kills Beloved Family Pet"

I don't have anything to contribute but I thoroughly enjoyed all of those, especially the last one.

 

[Jessica4Bama]

Re: Post an SEC CF joke to kill the time until the game starts-keep it somewhat clean

Not football related, but it the only one I got right now.. What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They both have been clubbed by Norwegians.:biggrin:

He he. That is too funny!