---Jay leno"There's a boycott now of Danish products in the Muslim world. Luckily not too many mosques are made out of Legos."
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---David Letterman"If President Bush is wiretapping my phone and listening to my calls, I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill."
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---Conan O'Brien"President Bush unveiled his new $2.2 trillion budget. The president settled on $2 trillion after being told that $2 bazillion was not a real number."
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---Jon Stewart"The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led to the second largest bankruptcy in American history. Why four-and-a-half years? Because apparently it's harder to bring Ken Lay to trial than it is to invade two countries."
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---Tina Fey"While giving the [State of the Union] speech, President Bush was interrupted more than 50 times by applause and once by a Dennis Hastert Dorito fart."