Personally I think we should have black helmets, as an outward show of mourning for the valiant oaks who gave their lives in the service of...higher academic endeavors. They bore that toilet paper proudly, majestically flowing in the wind like the robe of some Grecian god, adorned with the undigested throwings up of drunken Auburn fans, drunk not merely on Bacchian grapes/Natty Light, but the sheer ecstasy of victory*, the center of merriment of a grand festival like in olden days. The children will never know what an oak is like, the feel of the bark, the way the leaves turn to powder between your fingers. They'll hear the stories of times had, sure, but they'll never know what it was like. That is my only regret for the children.
*victory in question not guaranteed through 2012